Waking Up From a Coma

Almost a year ago, I referred to this dead period in life as the COVID Coma. The feelings of uncertainty have rippled through the world for over a year, and now it feels like it might finally be coming to an end. With more and more people getting vaccinated, things are starting to open up again. Masks mandates are being lifted, restaurants are allowing full capacity, and people are able to see their loved ones again. While it seems the world can take a collective sigh of relief, I wonder how we are supposed to put all the pieces together again. How do we go back to our old lives when life as we knew it has changed? How are we expected to go back to our offices full time when we’ve been working at home for the last 15 months? How do we go back to leaving our houses without feeling like we are doing something wrong? How do we stand in a crowd of strangers without this overwhelming fear and anxiety looming over us?

Putting out feelers in just the writing community has helped to learn that it isn’t just my creativity that seems to have stunted during this time of limbo. We write based on our life experiences, so how can we write when we aren’t really experiencing anything? How do we even begin to attempt to spread joy when it feels like the world is collapsing around us? How do we break out of the routine of trying to numb our brains to what is happening around us? How do we stop feeling guilty for “wasting” the last year? It’s as though we are waking from a coma, and everything has changed. Our lives are now defined as before COVID and after. How do you pull yourself completely out of the comatose state and get back to your life? How are we supposed to live, when we’ve spent so long just surviving?

Our employers, our schools, and our government are naïve if they think we can just go back to how things were as if nothing ever happened. We are all kidding ourselves if we think the road to recovery will be without setbacks. There are going to be days when we forget we can just run to the store for one thing. That we can go out to eat when we don’t feel like cooking. There will be days when someone takes a step towards us, we will automatically back six feet away. There will be days were our brains go numb and our eyes glaze over, as we try to tune out the bad news we anticipate is coming. Try as we might, we will never be able to forget the hate that was brought out in so many people. Hate brought out in our friends, families, classmates, and coworkers. It will take time to bridge the gap this virus has torn between us. But the only way to jump start our lives again is to stop waiting for it to go back to “normal.” The normal we knew is in the past. Things are different. Boxes have been opened that cannot be closed again. So instead of trying to get back to the past, it’s time we start building our new futures.

I hope I can start writing more regularly again, but I’m not going to make any promises when I just don’t know if I can keep them. All we can do is hope for the best.

10 Signs Your Friend is Actually a Psycho; A Satire

Before I launch into this post, I want to say that this is solely meant to be satirical. I am in no way trying to make light of people who have actually struggled with loved ones showing psychopathic tendencies. This post is only meant to make you laugh. With that said, let’s dive in.

Does your friend have some really strange habits? Habits that most would consider abnormal or down right creepy? Here are 10 signs your friend might actually be a psycho.

They don’t like the pink Starburst. I mean, come on! Who doesn’t love pink Starbursts? There’s a reason they sell “All Pink” bags of Starbursts. Bonus point if they insist the yellow ones are best.

They don’t have WIFI by choice. Because seriously, who in this day and age chooses not to have WIFI?

They bite instead of peel their string cheese. Everyone knows the whole point of string cheese is to peel off pieces and try to get the stick as small as possible. People who just straight up bite into it have no soul.  

They leave an empty toilet paper roll. People who lack this much common decency can only be psychos; it’s the only logical explanation.

They dip steak in ketchup. If someone needs to dip their steak in ketchup, then they are not seasoning it well enough. Or, even worse, they just straight up prefer it that way. Both of these things are signs of a psycho.

They don’t react to the noise when their silverware scratches their plate. This is one of the worst noises in the world, second only to chalk scratching a chalkboard. People who just don’t react at all to this obviously aren’t normal.

They chew their ice cream. I cannot fathom how someone can stand taking a bite out of ice cream. What makes you chew and bite something that is so obviously meant to be licked? Why? Just why?  

They try to eat a McDouble with a knife and fork. I know what you’re thinking- “no one actually does this.” But I have seen someone attempt to do this with my own eyes. It’s still one of the most disturbing things I have ever laid eyes on.

The first piece of lasagna they take is from the middle of the pan. This is just fundamentally wrong on so many levels.  

They say tater tot casserole. Now any other dish that is referred to as a casserole rather than a hotdish can be chalked up so linguistic differences. BUT tater tot hotdish is ALWAYS hotdish. No exceptions. That is a hill I will gladly die on.

If someone you know appears on the list one or more times, hopefully it’s not too late to save yourself.

Unanswered Text

It’s not just one unanswered text. It’s the hundred that came before it.

It’s when I say I’ve had a bad day, and you can’t even ask why.

It’s you telling me that you’ll always be there, but never coming through.

It’s when I ask you for the simplest things but get no reply.

It’s when I’m sick, and there’s no one to call, but yet there I am, ready and willing to be there for you.

It’s when I beg and plead for you to just hang out, but you pretend like I don’t have needs.

It’s the way you constantly forget that I have no one here but you.

It’s the way I try so hard just to make your life a little better, but you treat me like I don’t even matter.

It’s all the times you weren’t there when I needed you, because it just wasn’t convenient enough for you.

It’s the way that you make everyone else a part of your special day, but I’m the odd one out.

It’s the way my apartment remains empty, no matter how many times I ask you to come over.

It’s the way you never seem to notice when I’m not around.

It’s the deafening silence that surrounds me those times when all I need is a friend.

It’s the feeling of worthlessness that never fully goes away and the tears that fall down my cheeks.

It’s the way the loneliness clings to my skin and the voices of my demons pounding the inside of my head.

It’s the way I try to talk to you, but you write me off, so all I can do is silently scream.

It’s knowing that you keep on choosing not to see me and all the pain I’m in.

It’s all the times I reach for your hand just to end up with an empty grasp.

It’s not just one unanswered text that makes me wonder if I should just let you be.

It’s the hundred little things that show me just how much you don’t care about me.

Christmas Goodies

Every year for the past four years, I’ve made an assortment of Christmas treats, packaged them in cute bags or boxes, and delivered them to unexpecting friends around town. For three of those years, I had help from three different friends (the first year was three of us, then two of us, then just me, then two). The reason I started doing this is that I LOVE to bake, and I love surprising people with a little act of kindness. I love seeing their faces when they open the door and see someone standing there with a box of homemade goodies just for them. I love brightening people’s days, and this is just a fun way to do it. This year, I planned to make my jar cakes. Every time I’ve made these for people, they have absolutely loved them, so I thought this would be a fun way to tweak my annual tradition, straying away from the usual cookies and candies. However, this year I decided I wasn’t going to do anything. Many might think that is because of COVID, however the current pandemic had no effect on my decisions.

Making these goody bags or boxes takes a ton of time and effort. I usually spend about two full days making and packaging everything. The cost is usually about $60 total for ingredients and packaging supplies. Usually, I make three different kinds of cookies, pretzel wreaths, toffee, and almond bark pretzels. Sometimes I add other things, depending on what I’m feeling that particular year. I then drive all over town for about 1-2 hours to deliver the boxes of treats, making about 15 stops. Every year I’ve done this, the weather and roads have not been optimal conditions. But what made me decide to stop doing this wasn’t the time or the effort. It wasn’t the money, although that is extra tight for me this year, and it certainly wasn’t the driving conditions. What made me decide to stop this year is the sheer unappreciativeness I received last year.  

Things I heard last year while delivering goodies or in the week after include “Thanks for the treats. Now you can leave,” “I ate one kind of cookie and threw the rest away,” and “The sugar cookie on top was hard, so they all went in the garbage.” The fact that people can be so utterly ungrateful sickens me. When someone goes completely out of their way to do something nice for you, the last thing you should be is cruel. Those things made me feel awful and hurt last year, and I decided I am not going to subject myself to it again.

I’m not writing this to make you feel sorry for me. I’m writing this because I want others to be aware that the things they say in response to gifts, no matter the content of the gift itself, matters. Don’t tell people something they gave you was useless or that you threw it away. If you really don’t like something you’re given as a gift, LIE! Or just say “That was a really nice gesture,” or “That was so thoughtful of you.” Don’t make people bad for delivering you a gift and tell them to “get out” or “leave.” They are going out of their way to do something nice for you- not trying to impose on you. If you truly want to get rid of the person, just say “Thank you so much for this, but it’s not a great time,” or “This is so nice of you, let’s catch up later this week.” The key here is to just be polite.

For many, myself included, Christmas is a hard time of year. Money becomes an even bigger issue than usual for most. People are super busy and others feel stings of loss and loneliness more than ever. So, when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you, be kind. Be grateful and appreciative. Don’t be rude or cruel. This year has been especially hard for a lot of people for many different reasons, so be a little kinder than usual this holiday season. Keep the snarkiness out of your thank yous and appreciate the people who go out of their way to show you they care.


It’s been awhile since I’ve written, and even the last few posts I have written have fallen a bit short. The reason for that is something I have a feeling many of us are currently experiencing. It’s no secret that very few have made it this far into the pandemic without feeling a loss. Maybe you lost your job and have yet to find a new one. Maybe you are going stir crazy from working from home. Maybe you have been worked to the bone since this whole thing started and are forgetting what it’s like to not be exhausted. Maybe all your summer plans got cancelled and your major events ruined. Maybe you’ve lost someone sooner than you ever expected, and every time you think about them, you get an ache in your chest that takes your breath away. Maybe it’s been so long since you’ve seen your friends and family that it hurts to think about when you might see them again. Maybe your mental health is the worst it’s ever been, and you don’t have the motivation to do anything anymore. Maybe you’re just plain tired. I have decided to call all these feelings; the feelings of hopelessness, exhaustion, and longing the COVID-Coma. The overwhelming desire to do something, but the energy to do absolutely nothing.

My COVID-Coma has included spending 90% of my time sitting in my apartment alone. I’ve been working from home since mid-March, have had a string of health problems with a cause that remains unknown, worsening depression and anxiety, and an extreme lack of motivation and inspiration. So, I haven’t been writing, or much of anything else. But I realized, yesterday, that I desperately need to pull myself out of my COVID-Coma. I’m going to guess that most of you are in the same boat. So how do we pull ourselves together when there is no end to this pandemic in sight? How do we keep going when life as we knew it is starting to feel like it’s gone for good? I wish I had the answers, but I’m still figuring it out.

I’m starting by finding a semblance of a routine and doing the things I used to. Things like putting on makeup for work, even when I’m not leaving the house. Cooking the healthy foods I love that I’ve been neglecting. Going to the gym and getting a workout in. Shutting off the T.V. and putting my phone down (if your situation is anything like mine, you are so sick of watching Netflix and staring at your phone, you could puke). All of these are great things to do to pull me out of my COVID-Coma, but I think the number one thing we all need to do is stop using Corona as an excuse.

Living through this pandemic has been HELL, but it cannot be the reason we let our lives crumble around us. COVID isn’t forcing us to sit on the couch with a big of chips for dinner. We are choosing to do it ourselves. Stop letting COVID run your life and be your excuse. Cook a decent meal. Take a drive or a walk. Read a book. Whatever you enjoy that you have stopped doing. I know it is especially difficult when it feels like there is hate all around us, but COVID isn’t an excuse for that either. A global pandemic is not a good enough excuse to be cruel to others. I’ve said it a hundred times, and I’m saying it again. Just because life is brutal, doesn’t mean we have to be. Just because people are spreading hate and fear, doesn’t mean you can’t spread love and kindness. Now, more than ever, we need to be kind to each other, or we will never make it out of our COVID-Comas. I challenge you to do one thing this week you’ve been avoiding, or one thing you stopped doing during this pandemic that you used to enjoy, but also to do something kind. Sometimes this world knocks us down and tears us apart, but we have a choice to pull ourselves up and put the pieces back together. I don’t just want to get out of my COVID-Coma- I NEED to. And I am going to start by no longer using COVID as an excuse and figuring out how to put my life back together. I hope you do too. And if you feel like you can’t or you just aren’t ready, at least be kind to others. I think, more than anything, we could all use a little kindness.

10 Cooking Tips I Live By

Cooking is something I have always enjoyed; however, it does not come easy to everyone. I learned to cook by spending a lot of time in the kitchen with my mom, who was no stranger to spices and flavor. I love to play with different flavors and create new dishes from scratch. I like to take a recipe and doctor it until it’s mine. I’ve been cooking for so long, I can make a meal out of just about anything. In fact, I make some pretty awesome dishes by using the things in my fridge that are about to expire.

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*An amazing sauce I made one night by combining three of my original sauce recipes

I’m sure all of us know not everyone can cook. The way I see it, there are four types of cooks. Those who can cook really well, those who think they can cook really well, those who believe they can’t cook, and those who don’t even try to cook. To me, the main difference between those who can cook and those who think they can cook is whether or not their food is bland. We’ve all the seen the memes surrounding people who only have salt and pepper in their spice cabinet.

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*If you don’t get what’s wrong with this picture, then you are one of those who thinks they can cook

For those of you who are struggling to cook, who want to expand your cooking knowledge, and who can cook, but need a little help, here are my 10 cooking tips, tricks, and rules to making bomb ass food.

Salt and pepper are NOT seasonings. Yes, technically they are, but what I mean by that is that they are not something you should solely rely on. If the only seasonings you ever use is salt and pepper, you need to do some spice shopping. If you’re following a recipe, and the only seasonings are salt and pepper, add more. The number one reason food is bland is because people don’t use anything to season their food.


Garlic powder and/or onion powder are great for when you feel like a dish needs salt. It also adds more flavor than just plain salt does. When I feel that what I’m cooking needs more salt, I add onion or garlic powder first. I’m not saying you can’t ever add salt, but you may want to try one of these alternatives first; you don’t want your dish to be overwhelmingly salty.

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While we are on the subject of good and bad spices, STOP USING GARLIC SALT. I have never bought garlic salt, and I have never missed it. If a dish needs garlic, I add fresh garlic or garlic powder. If a dish needs salt, well we already covered that. If you have garlic salt, throw it away! I promise you, you will not miss it. Nothing tastes more artificial to me than garlic salt. Get rid of it; you can thank me later.

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Want to get some spices, but aren’t sure where to start? First off, don’t buy spice racks that come with a ton of spices; you won’t use most of them. You are better off buying your own and focusing on flavors you like. If you aren’t sure where to start, try to get a few things that are salty, earthy, and spicy. For salty, garlic powder and onion powder are great starters. When I say earthy, I’m talking about herbs. They come in a wide range, so you may have to experiment a little. Italian seasoning is a good go to. Basil and sage are two of my staples. Oregano is great for spaghetti sauce and dill is fantastic with potatoes. When I want some spice, I use red paper flakes, paprika, or cayenne. Go easy with cayenne if you haven’t cooked with it a lot; a pinch can go a long way. It’s also not a bad idea to have some Cajun seasoning blend on hand. Other great things to have on hand is cinnamon, nutmeg, cumin, and ginger.


Play with your spices. Experiment with different combinations to see what flavors you like together and which ones you don’t. I know that most people have thyme in their cabinet, but I don’t like it. I love paprika, but I know others who can’t stand it. Start small; add just a pinch of this and tiny bit of that. You can always add more if you want.


Sugar is a great way to balance bitterness. I use this trick mostly for tomato sauces, especially for spaghetti. I’m not a fan of jarred spaghetti sauce, so I usually make my own using a can of tomato sauce and adding seasonings. The problem with this is that tomato sauce can be incredibly bitter, so I add a little sugar to combat this. Just adding a spoonful of sugar to a bitter dish can make a world of difference.


Buy fresh whenever you can. Fresh garlic tastes better than garlic powder. Fresh parsley is way more flavorful than dried. Fresh chicken is juicer than frozen. Fresh green beans are phenomenal compared to canned ones. The list goes on and on. When its within your ability, buy fresh ingredients. It will make your food taste a million times better.


Coconut oil makes veggies and meat taste amazing. I don’t love the taste of olive oil, but I don’t like to use too much butter when I cook. The solution? Coconut oil! Coconut oil can give the buttery taste so many of us love without the fat butter adds. Every time a recipe calls for olive oil, I use coconut instead. It adds a better flavor, and when it comes to chicken, it keeps it nice and juicy. The key is to find a brand that doesn’t taste too coconutty.


*This is the brand I use

If you need to thicken a sauce, you can use a roux. They are super easy to make; just take equal parts butter and flour (I usually start with 2 tbls of each). Melt the butter and stir in the flour, and bam! You have a perfect thickening agent. I also use this when I need cream, but all I have is milk. I just make a roux and then stir in the milk to thicken it to a consistency closer to cream. Knowing how to make a roux is a skill that has come in handy more times than you would think.


*This is what your roux should look like

Recipes are a guide, not an instruction manual. Have you ever made a recipe that sounded absolutely amazing only to have it end up being just… blah? This is when all that spice experimenting can come in handy. Take a recipe, and make it your own! Add flavors you know you like, make it a little spicy, add more than a teaspoon of salt- whatever you like! My main rule is when the recipe is at the bottom of a blog post (which we all know is the most annoying thing in the world- I just want the recipe, Susan, I don’t care about how crazy your week was) is if the post uses the words hubby and/or kiddos, add A LOT more seasoning. Second rule? If the only seasonings the recipe calls for is salt, pepper, and garlic powder, add A LOT more seasoning. I use recipes as a starting guide and then jazz them up to make them my own, which almost always ends up tasting way better.

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*I promise you; it will need more than three ingredients 


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*If your meat looks anything like this, throw it away and try again!

Everyone can learn how to cook, you just have to know a few basics. Start with one meal and tweak it until it’s perfect. If you know someone who makes really bland food, suggest some flavor. Just have fun with it! You will be amazed by what comes out of your kitchen!

Why Best Friends are Better than Boyfriends

Growing up, I never really understood the concept of a best friend. This dynamic filled books, movies, and T.V. shows, but it was never something I experienced in the real world. I had friends I was very close to and did consider my best friend, but I often found myself needing space from them. I never knew what it was like to have someone I could tell anything to without fear of being judged or scolded. What it was like to have someone I didn’t worry was bashing me whenever I wasn’t around. Someone who didn’t get on my nerves and drive me up a wall. I have many friends that I love dearly, but I didn’t really know what a best friend was until recently.

While I was in the worst relationship of my life, I become quite close with that guy’s roommate. He seemed to be the only one that had an ounce of understanding of what I was going through and didn’t constantly put me down when it came to the mess I was in. He seemed to understand the dark side of the guy I was with, because he saw it to. He was honest and sometimes harsh, but he didn’t roll his eyes every time I brought it up. He wasn’t supportive to my face and then go and bash me behind my back like so many people did at that time. When I look back now, the friendship I developed with the guy I know refer to as my twin was worth every minute of pain and grief I endured at the hands of my ex. This guy also happened to have a girlfriend of his own; a girl I thought despised me for a long time. I was so intimidated by her; I could barely look her in the eye. I was also extremely jealous of her, because she just seemed so perfect. She was unbelievably pretty and everyone just seemed to love her and/or want to get to know her. She constantly had people coming up to talk to her and no one had a bad thing to say about her. I wondered what it was like to have a life like that; a life where everyone just seems to fawn over you.

As we got to know each other, I learned that her life wasn’t as perfect as I thought it was. We began to grow closer, spending more and more time together. She lived an hour away, and when she visited on the weekends, we would always find something fun to do. We opened up to each other about our insecurities, our struggles, and whatever else was on our minds. Then, last fall she moved in with her boyfriend in the town I live in. Since then, we’ve hung out almost every day. We cook dinner together and for each other, we surprise each other with coffee, we get way too drunk together, and we cry over This Is Us together. In all this time, we haven’t fought. I haven’t felt like I need a break from her. She doesn’t really get on my nerves and I’ve never felt judged or shamed by her. Lately, I’ve started to feel like this is the friendship I’ve been missing out on. This is what all those books, movies, and T.V. shows mean by best friend. So, know that I’ve indulged in an insanely long intro, here are the reasons why a best friend is better than a boyfriend.

  1. They know your coffee order. In fact, they know your order at every coffee shop. They know what you like at Starbucks vs what you like at Caribou. They know how many flavor shots you require at each place and if you want it hot or cold. I know when we roll up to Caribou together, she will get a large iced crafted press with two shots of vanilla, but at Starbucks, she prefers a large vanilla cold brew with sweet cream. She knows that I brew a light roast at home and drink it with half and half and chocolate almond milk. You never actually have to type out your coffee order to them because they already know exactly what you want.


  1. Speaking of drinks, they also know what kind of alcohol you prefer. They know what cocktails you’ll drink and what beer you like. They know what types of alcohol are off limits, which ones will make you sick, and which ones give you the worst hangovers. I know she doesn’t like vodka, because it makes her stomach hurt. She knows I don’t mix alcohol with cream, because I will most likely instantly throw up. I know she likes her beer with olives, and she knows I prefer mine with pickles. And of course, we both love Malibu with Coke (hers diet, mine regular). They can go up to bar and order you your favorite drink based on how drunk you want to get. They know what shots you’ll take straight and which ones you won’t touch. They also know what to expect from you the next morning.


  1. In fact, they know your favorite everything. All the way from your favorite kind of chips to your favorite pair of jeans. They know what you dip your fries in and what brand of shampoo you use. I know she likes vanilla soft serve cones and puts ranch on EVERYTHING. She knows I like Doritos with cheese and Game of Thrones. In fact, they probably know more of your favorites than you do. They even know your guiltiest guilty pleasures, but they don’t judge too harshly.

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  1. They will be honest when it comes to your fashion sense. You never have to worry about them lying to you, because they will always tell you like it is. They’ll tell you if your hair looks questionable or if the outfit you have on isn’t the most flattering. They’ll help you get rid of the things that you don’t have the heart to throw away, like your crimper. I know she prefers her jeans tight and likes to wear yellow. She knows I look awful in pale pink and prefer my hair up. We have the same taste in shoes and makeup, and we both hate anything velvet. They are the best to go shopping with, because you can always count on an honest opinion that is given without sounding harsh.


  1. They know your emotions better than you do sometimes. They can usually tell exactly what mood you’re in just by looking at your face. Sometimes you don’t even realize that you’re feeling sad until they point it out. They also know what habits you tend to fall into based on how you feel. I know she eats when she’s stressed or bored (as do I) and she knows I get more restless than usual when I’m anxious. You know when to sit in silence and when to offer reassurance. They know when to be serious and when to crack some comic relief. Sometimes you don’t even know why you’re mad or sad or even what you need until they tell you. 

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After my toxic relationship fell apart, I spent three years rebuilding the self-esteem he had destroyed. When I finally felt like I was ready to try again, I ended up seeing someone whose treatment of me started to remind of him. After that, I started seeing someone who decided I wasn’t even worth breaking up with. All of that evidence has led to me to the conclusion that boyfriends aren’t worth the trouble and I will stick with my best friend instead.

The Salutatorian Speech I Never Got to Give

Over the past few weeks of being quarantined in my apartment, I have noticed that I keep being disturbed by memories of grade school. Most of these memories are things I thought were long since buried and forgotten, but now they seem to want to surface and remind me of how much I hated middle and high school because of my classmates. I remembered the time I tried to throw an end of the year cookout and invited the whole class, only to have no one show up. (I later found out there was a different party that I wasn’t invited to). I remembered the time I sat in my AP Government class as a junior and the other nine people in the class moved to the other side of the room, forcing me to be on a jeopardy team by myself.

But then I think about my little brother, whose senior year has been cut off due to this virus, and I can’t help but wonder which senior year I would rather live out. I spent majority of my graduation ceremony waiting for it to be over and feeling angry that I didn’t get to give a speech, but is that better than not having one at all? It’s a question that I just don’t have the answer to. One of my biggest disappointments in high school was being salutatorian. I was predicted to be valedictorian from the time I was in elementary school. I worked hard for this honor only to see it come crashing down my junior year, when I received an A- in AP Literature. When I finally made my peace with the fact that I would be ranked number two in the class rather than number one, my principal enlightened me that I would not get to give a speech during the graduation ceremony. Traditionally, the valedictorian and the salutatorian give speeches during the ceremony, but because my class had two valedictorians, I wouldn’t get a chance to speak. This was devastating for me. I had spent four years working my ass off, just to have it amount to nothing in the end. I never told anyone how much it hurt to not get to speak. How I had been looking forward to doing so all year. That I had already written a speech.

I have never told anyone about the speech I had written for my graduation ceremony. I don’t know why I kept it a secret; maybe it was because I was so ashamed that I would never get to read it to my class because I was second best. I had spent my entire life up to that point feeling like I didn’t belong, and not getting to give my speech just seemed to solidify that feeling. So I never told anybody about it. I emailed it to myself, moved into a private folder, and that’s where it has sat ever since. Until now.

I’m not sure what inspired me to finally share this speech. Maybe it’s realizing that even though I didn’t like high school, at least I got to finish out my senior year with some happy memories. Maybe it’s seeing the class of 2020 having the moment they’ve spent their entire lives working towards- that walk across the stage to receive their diploma- being ripped away. Or maybe some deep, hidden part of me feels that it’s time. Whatever the reason may be, I want to share with you all the salutatorian speech I never got to give.

As much as I wish I could stand up here and reminisce with all of you about how great the last four years have been, lying is just not in my nature. This may come as a shock to some of you, but high school is not something I feel I will look back on fondly. I have spent majority of the past four years waiting for high school to be over. I have contemplated my own suicide more times than I can count. I have told myself over and over again that things will get better; I just have to get through this. Many times, it felt as though we were sorted into the “in group” and the “out group” back in first grade, and have been forced to carry those labels ever since. I, like many of you, was sorted into the out group. Because of that, my speech is not for those who will look back on our time together and cherish all the great memories they made. Instead, my speech is for those, who like me, have spent the last four years counting down the days when they could finally bust out of out here. My speech is for the students who never got to find out what they were capable of, because they spent their entire academic career being overlooked and ignored. My speech is for the people who worked hard and pushed themselves to their limits, but never received any real credit. My speech is for the outcasts.

I want you all know that this doesn’t have to be your entire story. What you were labeled in the past does not have to be your label for the future. Outside of these walls, no one is going to care whether you were “in” or “out.” We spend so much of our lives thinking and being told that what we do in high school paves our way for the rest of our lives, but the secret they don’t tell you is that it does not need to. You have the opportunity to change your story; to make it into whatever you want. From now on, no one is going to force you into the shadows unless you let them, because the truth is, no one cares who you were in high school. And there will be more ways to prove your worth than popularity status. If you become a doctor, a hospital isn’t going to care how many friends you had, they’re too concerned with whether or not you know how to properly stitch a wound. Construction companies (which are just as vital as hospitals) aren’t going to be impressed by where you sat at lunch, but they will be impressed by the Class A license in your wallet. If you apply for a teaching job, that school isn’t going to be concerned with whether or not you were on the homecoming court; they’re going to be concerned by your qualifications and your abilities. If you didn’t like who you were in high school, this is your chance to change.

I’m not saying that the experiences we had in the last four years don’t matter, because they do. They can and they will influence decisions we make from here on out. But that doesn’t mean they have to define us. Just because you slacked off in high school doesn’t mean you have to slack off for the rest of your life. Just because you didn’t have many friends doesn’t mean you won’t make tons of connections a year from now. Just because you felt like you didn’t fit in here doesn’t mean you won’t fit anywhere. High school made guide us, but it does not define us. If the people here didn’t recognize your worth or your value, then that’s on them. Because they missed out on what may have been a life changing friendship or an astounding student, and that’s their loss, so move on.

My advice for each and every one of you here, especially the ones who were cast out of the spotlight, is to be better. Be better than who you were. If in five, ten, or twenty years, you can look back on yourself in this moment and confidently say that you are a better person today than you were yesterday, then you’ve been successful. You can decide if these four years define your life or if they were just stepping stones on your path to greatness. You can choose if this is who you want to be for the remainder of your time here, or you can choose to be better. Take risks, force yourself into the spotlight, show kindness to strangers, travel the world- do whatever you need to do to be a better person. And when you do look back on those four years, instead of being angry and bitter, remind yourself that you got through it, even though you were in the “out” group. That despite every setback, you made it to the end of high school. Remember that you walked into this gym with your head held high, even if it was just to keep your cap from slipping off. Remember that right here, in this moment, it’s impossible to tell the “in group” from the “out group.” This proves that we all have the power to be more than what other people say we are. We have the ability to change the narrative that has been written about us. We are all capable of being better. A teacher we all know once asked “Why are we here?” And maybe the answer is as simple as “To be better.” To be better than who we are and better than who others thought we were. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I know that I have to be better than an unruly outcast who is filled with anxiety and bitterness. So, Mr. Hentges, that’s my answer. I’m here to be better. I know I can be kinder. I know I can be more understanding. I know I can be better than who I am now. What about the rest of you?

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Things to Do After an Awful Week

We all have times where life just seems to be kicking us while we’re down. Sometimes it’s a day, sometimes a week. Sometimes it feels like it’s dragging on forever and life will just never stop sucking, and you’ll be doomed to live in this state of shit for the rest of your days. In the past few weeks, it has felt like I simply cannot get a win. I’ve been like I can’t do anything right and that my entire life is doomed to be worthless. In the past week alone, I’ve broken down at work… twice, got bad news concerning my family, have attempted to figure out why my body feels as though it hates me just to have the doctor run one blood test, come up with nothing, and then tell me there’s nothing else for them to do, and I’m not 100% positive, but I’m pretty sure I got dumped. This week has been nothing short of shit, but thankfully I’ve had the weekend to recuperate. This has given me a lot of time to consider the best things to do after an utterly crap week.


Watch a romantic comedy… or three

There’s no shame in binge watching your favorite rom-com or finding one that you’ve been meaning to watch forever. I’m writing this as I’m on the second Bridget Jones movie, and I cannot believe I have gone my whole life without seeing these movies.

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Take a hot bath or shower… or both

There is a nothing that a hot bath and/or shower can’t temporarily cure.

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Watch a horror movie

I love watching a horror movie when I’ve been having a rough time with life, because it reminds me that no matter how bad my life is going, at least it’s going better than the poor suckers in the movie. I may have had a crap week, but at least I’m not tied up in some crazy woman’s basement (bonus points if you can name that movie).

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Get some ice cream

Because honestly, you probably deserve it!

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Clean up

If you’re anything like me, your home probably reflects the tough week you’ve had. Just putting everything away, doing some dishes, and running a vacuum through my living room makes me feel a million times better. Plus, you actually accomplish something!

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Get drunk… like really drunk

Full disclosure- I didn’t actually do this this past weekend, but believe me when I say I tried. However, I can confirm that I am typing this whilst drinking a beer.

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Make a really good meal

Just because life isn’t going your way, doesn’t mean you can’t eat delicious food. Make yourself your favorite comfort meal and eat it until you’re so full, you couldn’t possibly eat another bite. If you don’t feel like cooking or can’t cook so well, treat yourself and go out to eat at your favorite restaurant.

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Hang out with your best friend

Even if you just sit around watching trashy T.V. about spoiled, rich girls spending thousands on wedding dresses, just spending time with your bestie can make you feel a million times better.


Write a semi-shit blog post

Exhibit A can be found above.

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The past week or two or five may not have been great, but at least my weekend wasn’t too craptastic. Luckily, there’s no rule that says next week can’t be absolutely fabulous! Keep working your perfectly imperfectly selves, and I’ll keep working on mine.