If You Bring a Guy to Your Home

If you bring a guy to your home, he’ll lay down in your bed. Then he’ll say he needs to throw up. When he goes to throw up, he’ll get it all over your bathroom before laying back down. Then he’ll say he’s going to take a shower. He’ll get back up, turn your shower on, and stay in there until you start to worry. When you get up to check on him, you’ll find him sitting down, passed out on the floor of your shower. You’ll go back to your room and try to figure out what to do, and you’ll hear him finally step out of the tub. When he doesn’t come back into the room, you’ll check on him again. The shower will still be running, and he’ll be passed out, naked on your bathroom floor. So you’ll shut the water off, and cover him with a blanket, making sure not to peek at his private parts. You’ll start to panic about what to do, so you’ll call your friend to help you. She’ll tell you that there’s nothing anyone can do and to just let him sleep it off on your floor. While you’re still on the phone, he’ll stumble into the room and fall into your bed and pass out again. You’ll make sure the blanket is tucked between you and him, and you’ll even take off your shirt so maybe he won’t feel so embarrassed when he wakes up. Eventually, you’ll fall asleep and wake up the next morning, afraid of what you’ll find. He’ll get up to put some clothes back on, and you’ll be sure not look. He’ll use your toothbrush to brush his teeth and then he’ll lay back down beside you, and you won’t feel awkward at all. You’ll cuddle and kiss the morning away, until you have to get up and go to work. You’ll feel excited and happy and spend all day thinking about him; you won’t even mind when you finally get home and have to clean up all his puke.

You’ll spend the next week talking with him and getting flustered when he comes over. You’ll be amazed that it’s actually going so well. You’ll get into your first argument with him, but it will turn out okay. He’ll tell he wants you, and you’ll believe him, so you’ll end up staying the night in his bed. You’ll spend another morning in his arms, and he’ll talk vaguely about a future with you. You’ll start to think maybe this will be the one that finally works out and start to let your guard down.

You’ll go to work, and he’ll leave for the weekend, and when he comes back, he’ll come over to your house again. When he comes over, you’ll be cooking him the dinner you’ve spent all day stressing about. While you’re cooking dinner, he’ll watch a baseball game and barely acknowledge you. You’ll try to make forced conversation, but it won’t go anywhere, so you’ll try to just let it be. You’ll serve him the food, and sit mostly in silence while he keeps watching the game. After he eats, he’ll get up to leave. When he closes your door, a part of you will feel like it’s over, but you won’t know why. You’ll try to tell yourself you’re just being crazy, but you’ll end up on your couch with silent tears streaming down your face.

When you wake up the next morning, you’ll feel a little better, but then you’ll have a really hard day. You’ll ask if you can see him, and he’ll say you can’t, because he’s leaving town tonight. Then he’ll tell you, hours later, that he got hurt. You’ll be kind and caring, but you’ll worry about him and hope he’s okay. You’ll try to talk to him the next day, but he’ll be distant and vague, and then suddenly stop responding to you all together. So, you’ll wait until morning, and try again, and you’ll end up making plans with him. You’ll be eager to see him all day, and wait all night for him to say he’s coming over, but he’ll never show.

You’ll tell him the next day that if he doesn’t want to see you anymore, he can just tell you, but he’ll say that’s not true. You’ll try to ask what’s going on, and he’ll tell you he wants to take things slow. You’ll say that’s okay, and think things will get better again, but he’ll just go back to ignoring you. You’ll keep asking him if he wants out, and he’ll deny it every time, before going back to bailing on your plans and ignoring your messages. You’ll try to talk to him again, and you’ll think you’ve solved the problem with him, but then nothing will change. You’ll spend day after wondering what you did to cause him to change his mind. You’ll lay awake a t night and go over every conversation you ever had, trying to figure out what you did that was so wrong.

One day, he’ll message you to tell you he might be moving away. You’ll break down and cry and call your best friend, and she’ll tell you that everything is okay, because =, after all, there’s a chance he’ll stay. You’ll ask to see him that night, and he’ll say he’ll text you to come over. You’ll lay there for two hours, your phone clutched in your hands, waiting for him to message you. You’ll realize he ever will, so you’ll get hurt and angry, and when he tells you the next day he fell asleep, you’ll try your best to just ignore him.

You’ll drive two hours away, but all you’ll be thinking about is him. You’ll try to be strong, but you’ll break down and message him. He’ll actually respond and you’ll talk a little. You’ll ask to see him when you get home, and he’ll say you can’t because he’ll already be gone. When you get home the next day, he’ll still be in town. You’ll pretend it doesn’t bother you and try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but deep down, you’ll be hurt.

The next day, you’ll see he’s just leaving, but he’ll actually start to talk to you. You’ll forget about being upset that he lied and hope that maybe whatever issue was there has disappeared. You’ll talk for the next few days, and it’ll feel like it did before. He’ll suggest hanging out with you when he gets home, and of course you’ll agree. When he gets home, you’ll wait to hear from him and be excited to see him, but the hours will tick by and you won’t hear a word from him. When you finally cave and ask him about it, he’ll tell you it’s your fault and ignore you the rest of the night.

You’ll stop responding to his messages for a while and start to think maybe all of the other guys were right. You’ll start to think about how you really are worthless, and maybe your ex wasn’t lying when he said you could never do any better. You’ll convince yourself you deserve to be treated this way and that you shouldn’t even try, because you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. You’ll decide to give it one last try, and send him a message one last time. You’ll put your heart into that message and shake when you hit send. You’ll see that he’s opened it and anxiously wait to see what he’ll say. He won’t even respond, and it’ll make you feel like you’re falling apart.

You’ll finally work up the courage to delete him, and as a few weeks pass, you’ll feel yourself starting to let go. You’ll finally stop thinking about him every minute of every day, and wondering what he’s doing and if he’s thinking about you too. When you’re finally starting to feel a little better, he’ll message you again. He’ll tell you he’s sorry and a little bit about what’s going been on. He’ll tell you he might be moving in two days, and you won’t know how to respond. You’ll let his message sit all day and into the night, until the anger fades, the sadness passes, and you can think normally again. You’ll give a kind hearted response and then wait to hear if he’s moving away or not. He won’t just tell you on his own, so your anxiety will soar until it makes you physically sick to the point that you have to leave work, because you can’t even sit straight due to the knots in your stomach. You’ll cave once again and ask him, and he’ll tell you he’s not leaving. You’ll feel all the tension you’ve been carrying finally release and you’ll let yourself fall into thinking everything will still work out.

You’ll re-add him, and he’ll snap you almost every day. At first you won’t want to reply, but eventually you’ll give in. You’ll ask him if he wants to go for a walk, knowing full well he’ll probably say no.

He says he would, but he’s leaving soon, but once again, he won’t leave until later the next day. He’ll keep sending you messages, and you’ll keep responding, and even start to be the one who reaches out. Then he’ll stop messaging you first, so you’ll start sending him things you hope he’ll respond to. When he doesn’t, you’ll feel a deep sadness that you’ll do your best to ignore. When he does, you’ll get excited and try to figure out how to keep the conversation from ending.

One night, you’ll go out with a friend to keep yourself from staring at your phone. You’ll run into him and his friends, because of course he’s there. He won’t acknowledge you, but the second you sit down across the bar, he’ll send you a message that you won’t be able to keep from responding to. Then he’ll ignore you the rest of the night, and you’ll start to feel lost. When you get home, you’ll lay in bed and curse your perfect memory, as you play every moment over and over in your head. You’ll try to tell yourself to be patient, and that everything will be okay, but you’ll still lie awake, trying to figure out what you did to make things go this way.

You’ll keep messaging him because you can’t help yourself, but you’ll feel terrible  because of it. You’ll find new ways to distract yourself from the hurt and will even open up to your coworkers about it. They’ll tell you that you deserve better, and you’ll explain why you don’t. They’ll tell you that you need to talk to him about this because it will only get worse. You’ll tell them you’re afraid to because you don’t want to lose him completely, but they’ll remind you that being alone is better than having only half of a man.

You’ll decide to give it one last shot, and ask him if he wants to hang out with you over the weekend. He’ll tell you he’ll be out of town, and you won’t be able to keep yourself from wondering if that’s actually the truth. You’ll think about all the times he told you the same thing, only to find out it was a lie. You’ll think about how this whole situation has been eating you up inside. You’ll think about all the guys that came before him, who treated you like you were nothing, and you’ll start to wonder if maybe you are. You’ll assure yourself it’s better to know, so you’ll send him a message that lays out all your thoughts and feelings. You’ll tell him you understand, but you have feelings too. You’ll tell him you’ll go slow and do anything else he needs you to, but you can’t do this weird in-between thing anymore. He’ll tell you he’s not ready to date, but you’ll know what that really means. You’ll remember he tried to date another girl not so long ago, and think that maybe there was more to that story than he told you. You’ll realize he just doesn’t want you, and you’ll feel yourself start to break. He’ll tell you what you’re thinking isn’t true, and that it’s him and not you, but you just won’t believe what he says anymore.

You’ll barely make it through the door of your house, before being consumed by tears. He’ll ask if you can remain friends, and you’ll tell him you can’t because it’s just too hard. Your sobs will tear through you, and you’ll feel like you can’t breathe. You’ll wonder why you even tried in the first place. You’ll hear a voice in your head telling you how worthless you really are, and you’ll start to think about how you’ll never find anyone else. You’ll think about all your friends and how happy they seem to be with their partners. You’ll think about how tired you are of being the single one and how you are just so sick of being alone. You’ll ask yourself why you dared to hope when you should have known better. You’ll think about how you’re nothing and feel like something is crushing your chest. You’ll lay there and cry, desperately wishing it had worked out this time.

Your best friend will insist on coming over, so you’ll try but fail to pull yourself together. She’ll listen while you talk and cry, and say the thoughts coursing through your brain, and you’ll suddenly realize that they sound insane. She’ll tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you, and some boys are just cowards. She’ll get you to crack a smile, and you’ll start to feel a little better. You’ll dry your tears and wipe the smeared makeup off your cheeks. You’ll get up and brush yourself off, because deep down you know you’ve already survived a hell of a lot worse. Your best friend will stay with you until you’re ready for bed, while another one will make you laugh with all the crazy things she says. They’ll both remind you that it takes a lot more than one, immature boy to break your heart. But even though you know you’ll be fine, you’ll go to bed alone and lay awake, asking yourself why you chose to bring a guy to your home…

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The Top 10 Reasons I’m Single

Okay, so I’m not actually listing reasons per se. I don’t really want to wage an attack on my personality or appearance, because that’s just not healthy or enjoyable. Instead, I’m sharing with you my favorite stories involving things I have said or done that may have something to do with my current relationship status. Some revolve around my failed attempts at flirting, some paint a picture of how blunt I can be when I’m not interested, and a few just paint a small picture of my bizarre personality. Here are the top 10 reasons I’m still single.

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I was eating at a restaurant with my mom for my birthday, and we had a cute waiter that I was trying to flirt with. The key word there was trying. When we were done eating, my mom told him it was my birthday, and apparently that meant I got a giant chocolate chip cookie. He brought it over and asked if I wanted some plates, and my dumbass responded, “Plates are for amateurs.” I’m honestly surprised I didn’t follow it up with finger guns.

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I was at a local bar, dancing with a group of girls, when a guy just randomly started dancing on me. I was just out to have a good time with my friends, and was definitely not in the mood to be hit on, if you can even call it that. After trying to move away from him a couple times, and having him continue to try to dance on me, I finally turned around to face him. This creepy ass looking guy that was probably about 10 years older than me had the audacity to sheepishly smile at me, and I noticed he was missing just about every other tooth. Me being who I am, looked him dead in the eyes and said “I’m sorry, you need to have all of your teeth to ride this ride.”

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I make memes like this and post them on my social media:

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A little backstory on this- I was at work one night, and my coworkers were talking about celebrity doppelgängers. One of my coworkers asked me if I had one, and I responded as any normal person would, “Yeah, Danny DeVito.” When I got home, I took my hair out of my top knot and it was sticking out everywhere, and one thing led to another and this meme was born.

I was at a bar, and this time I was half hoping to meet a fella, when a very cute guy approached me. I knew he wasn’t a total creep, because he was friends with my twin brother. He did exactly what a guy should do, and came up to me and introduced himself. In my head, I was thinking, “Wow, this guy is really cute and actually seems like a semi-decent human being. I should respond with something cute and witty.” What came out of my mouth in the coldest tone that has ever happened in the history of the world was, “Congratulations.” Needless to say, that shipped sailed away very quickly.

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This one is not quite a story, but more of an ongoing thing. While I try very hard to promote body positivity in my posts, I do admit that I have a pretty impressive (not sure if that’s the right word, but it’s what I’m going with) beer belly. I enjoy drinking beer quite often, however it does cause a less than attractive gut. I have a habit of sticking out my beer belly as far as I can, and holding it like a pregnant belly, usually in public. I keep telling people it’s going to be a Mich Ultra, or a Budlight, or whatever beer I happen to be drinking at the time. While it’s the opposite of attractive, I usually get a lot of laughs from it and find it hilarious. I will admit, that I should maybe stop doing it in public if I ever hope to change my relationship status.

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I was at a local bar (why do so many of my stories start this way?) sitting a table with some buddies and playing dice. I got up to walk to the bathroom, and as I was crossing the dance-floor to get to my destination, a guy began to attempt to dance on me. I turned around and said “No thanks,” and kept walking. As I was on my way back to the table, the same guy, once again, tried the same routine. Now, a little backstory on me. I have a huge problem with men just coming up to me and starting to dance on me- not with me, but ON me. However, I’m not naïve enough to think this will never happen, and I therefore have a rule. When this occurs, I will ask nicely once and only once. After that, if he chooses not to respect my answer, all bets are off. So, when this guy, again started trying to dance on me while I was clearly walking away, I whipped around and told him, quite sternly, “I will end your f*****g life.”

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I was out shopping at the mall, and it was obnoxiously busy for a Tuesday. I think it goes without saying that I am not what you’d call a “people person.” I do not like stores or malls that are loud and crowded, mainly because I suffer from social anxiety. On a Tuesday afternoon, one wouldn’t expect the mall to be so busy, but there we were. While buying whatever we were buying at a store, my mom commented to the cashier that it was overly busy for a week day and I agreed. The cashier (who was a moderately cute boy) looked at me and said, “You don’t like places when they’re busy?” My response? “I like my stores as empty as my soul.”

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I was at a restaurant (seriously why do these always happen when I’m eating or drinking) and the T.V. had a rugby game on (my favorite sport) and the All Blacks were playing (my favorite team), so of course, I was invested in this game. The waiter (who was very cute) noticed that I was into the game. Here in the United States, not a whole lot of people know how rugby is played, let alone are invested into the game, so I knew this was probably a rarity for this guy. I suspected this when he said, “Oh! You know rugby?” I nodded, and he said “I learned all about rugby in a class I took in college.” I was attempting to be flirty and seem impressive, so I responded with, “That’s cute. I play it.” Now this might have worked had my tone matched my intent, however instead of sounding cute and coy, it sounded extremely condescending and detached. And another one bites the dust.

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I was at a bar for my 21st birthday and was at a steady level of intoxication, as I had been drinking non-stop for the past three hours. My 21st birthday was on a Friday night, which also happened to be during the biggest drinking weekend of the year at my college, so pretty much everyone was out that night. I had gone all out with my hair and makeup and was wearing a sparkly, black sling dress, so I was feeling pretty confident. As I was stumbling my way through the bar to get another drink,  I ran into a guy I had been majorly crushing on for the past couple years (two years later, I’m still crushing). He told me Happy Birthday and pulled me into the best hug I had ever gotten before. In my drunken state, I did not realize I was saying the thought that crossed my mind out loud, where he could hear it. What was said thought? “Oh, it’s even better than I imagined.” Face, meet palm.

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Make no mistake, I do not tell these stories because I am desperate for a relationship; I tell them because I think they are funny and say a lot about who I am. While I sometimes wish I was in a relationship to have someone to share that bond with, overall, I am very content being single. I’m at an age where I’m trying to figure out what direction I want my life to head, and I love being able to plan that solely around myself, without having to factor in another person. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with finding a forever love at a young age, I enjoy being able to focus solely on my career and MY life. I am very open to starting a relationship at this point in my life, but it is not something I am actively working towards because I am happy being on my own, for the most part. I tell these stories to show just how deep my single brain really goes; I’ve been single for so long, I don’t even know what I’d do if I wasn’t. More than anything, I hope these stories make people laugh, because being single is not the worst thing in the world. Whether you’re single or not doesn’t matter- all that matters is whether or not you’re happy.

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What Could Have Been

When I think of you, I can’t help but think about what could have been.

Had things gone differently- the way they did in my mind- where would we be?

If things had gone differently, would we have

Morphed into our own version of perfect?

Would we be the people I still see inside my mind?

We had a chance to jump in together,

But only one of us was willing to take the leap.

Maybe I misread the signs and maybe

I was a fool for thinking we could be something, but maybe

We will forever be in state of missed opportunity.

There are times when I find myself lost

In the world of what could have been.

Where we are in a place where the universe is shaped around us-

Where we discover happiness together.

In my mind, we find peace in each other’s arms

And share secret smiles in the moments we steal.

But then reality sets in, and I remember who we really are.

I sneak glances at you, but you never look at me.

I rehearse what to say inside my head,

But the words never pass my lips.

I pretend it doesn’t hurt as we remain

Trapped dancing around each other

In this hollow state.

 

Being Single in a Double’s World

We spend half of our lives searching for love, hearing about love, watching movies about love, longing for love, reading about love, watching other people fall in love: we are constantly surrounded by love. This can be great for people who are happy and in love, but what about those of us who aren’t? Our society seems fueled on love; as if our lives are incomplete unless we have found love. And those who have yet to experience it can’t help but feel inferior and incomplete. But as I sit on my couch- where I’ve been for the past three hours- trying desperately to get through a reading for my night class, binge watching Sex and the City, and eating more Cheetos than I care to admit while a dog sits next to me licking her own butt, I can’t help but wonder if we have gotten it all wrong.  

What if this is just a plot to make us single people feel bad about ourselves; a ploy to force us to spend years of our lives feeling like we aren’t worthy or good enough? When we see people constantly going from one person to the next, which makes us wonder why we can’t seem to find even one. We feel young, unworthy, and lonely, but are these emotions sincere, or does society make us feel this way? Are the people who go from one relationship to jumping straight into another necessarily mature and happy? Could it be just the opposite? Why is it that we automatically think people who are constantly in a relationship- the same or different ones- are better than those of us who remain single?

It may be because the first thing people ask when we haven’t seen them in a while is “Are you seeing anyone?” And every time we feel humiliated when we have to say “No.” Then we are met with looks of sympathy and pity or told not to worry, because there’s someone out there for us. Or it could be that couples are everywhere we go- on the bus, at the movies, at our favorite restaurants- they are all over the place! We are constantly being bombarded by couples who seem to be slapping us in the face with our lack of relationship. We can’t help but be reminded of how we don’t have someone to bring to our favorite eatery or how much we wish we had someone to bring with us to the movies that makes it worth raising the “cuddle arm.” Both of these could very well be the answer, but my theory is that there is only one thing to blame- society.

Society teaches us that someone must love us romantically in order to be considered worthwhile. It doesn’t matter how much our family members love us or how many loving friends we have- if we don’t have that romantic partner, we simply are inferior and incomplete. Every movie we see has the guy get the girl in the end. How many movies have you seen in which the main character ends up single at the end? Anytime there is a possible romantic conquest, the hero always wins in the end. But why is it only considered winning if they end up together? We are trained to view single people as lesser beings. Those in relationships view single people as a threat to their happy relationship, because it seems that single people have no self-control or respect for those already in relationships. But what happens if we simply look beyond the label?

Your relationship status doesn’t define you worth or your maturity level. You can be mature as a single person and you can be extremely immature in a relationship. As a single person, you are worth just as much as a person in a relationship. A relationship is not the key to happiness, because you will never be happy in a relationship unless you learn to happy by yourself. We need to stop basing our self-worth on our relationship status, and stop judging people based on whether or not they are single. Being single doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you- in fact, it takes and incredible amount of strength and courage to be single this day and age- it just means you are choosing to work on yourself instead. Single or not, you are worthy of love and respect. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be single or being happy in a relationship. To those who are struggling with being single: hold on to your single self, because it’s gone, you cannot get it back- not completely. Embrace it, enjoy it, and savor it. To all my dear readers: never stop striving to be the best person you can be. You keep working on you, and I’ll keep working on me.

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If you are still feeling discouraged about being single, check out my post on the main benefits of being single in the link below.

https://historyiswhoweare.com/2016/11/16/what-it-means-to-be-single/

 

You’ve Won

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According to this, you’ve won. I blocked and you won. It seems so simple and straight forward; you clearly won. So why is it so difficult for me to understand? There’s no doubt that I feel like I’ve lost something, but what makes you the winner? Usually winning comes with a prize, so, what have you won, exactly? Are you elated by the thoughts of how much you got to me? Does the fact that you nearly caused me to end it all give you feelings of excitement and power? Did you enjoy tearing me apart, piece by piece? Are you satisfied with the fact that you started a chain reaction that makes me feel more alone than ever before? Have you enjoyed watching me struggle to pick up the shards of myself? Do you relish in the thought that I am unable to leave my house without constantly looking over my shoulder for you? Does the fact that simply walking to my car fills me with panic make you happy? Are you pleased with yourself now that I am terrified of seeing you? Are you proud of yourself for giving me nightmares nearly every night? Do you feel that you’ve accomplished something by making me feel unsafe in my own home? Do you feel like winner? What did you win? Because I still can’t figure it out. My sense of security? My peace of mind? My sanity? Help me to understand why you’re a winner, because I can’t seem to figure it out. But maybe that’s because I’m the one who’s lost.

Things to Stop Saying to Single People

As someone who has been a single for an unbelievably long time, there are some things I get so unbelievably tired of hearing, especially when they are coming from people in relationships. As I’m sure you all mean the best, all you are offering is pointless, rehearsed phrases that are somehow supposed to make us feel better about our current situation. The truth is no matter how single you were before, being in a relationship discredits pretty much anything you say to us when we are upset about being alone. While there are times you can be helpful and supportive, here are some things to just STOP saying to single people.

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“There is someone out there for you.” That’s rich coming from someone who already has a person. While I understand this is a go to phrase when a friend is feeling bummed about living the solo life, it’s such a cliché that we will probably just roll our eyes and forget you even said it. Plus, how could you possibly know that? There may very well be no one out there for us. As a single girl, I get so tired of hearing this automatic response, it may as well be said in your best robot voice.

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How are you still single?” If I knew that, maybe I wouldn’t still be single. This question is the worst, especially since it implies there is something wrong with me because I’m single. The best response to this? The only thing I can think of is that I’m just too awesome for anyone to handle. Just because I haven’t found someone yet, does NOT automatically mean there is something wrong with me, so don’t insinuate it.

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“You’re too picky.” If you think this is a helpful thing to say to your single friend, then you had better be prepared to defend you position and explain which of their standards they should lower. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, we have the right to be picky. I would much rather have my standards sky high than take anyone who smiles at me. In fact, my standards are right where I want them to be.

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“—— is single; you should totally get together!” Just because someone is single, DOES NOT mean I automatically want to date them. Do we need to revisit the high standards? If you actually want to set your single friend up with someone, maybe tell them a little bit more about the person other than the fact that they are single. But even before you do that, ask yourself why you really want them together to make sure your intentions have your friend’s best interest in mind. If it’s only because you want them to be in a relationship, drop it and let it go.

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“Guys don’t like girls who are…” Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP!!! The same goes vice a versa. You are telling me that I need to change who I am to be wanted, which is probably one of the rudest things you could even say to a friend. If you think your friend needs to change to gain a relationship, then maybe you need to reevaluate your friendship because you’re doing a shitty job at it.

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“It will come when you least expect it.” You know what else comes when you least expect it? A bus, a meteor, a tornado… If you can’t find the perfect wedding dress or your favorite pair of shoes, do you stop looking and just hope it’ll turn up? NO! You look your ass off until you find it, so why should love be any different? I was raised to chase my dreams, not sit on my ass and wait for them to find me. So maybe just let me continue my scavenger hunt instead of telling me to give up.

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“You need to put yourself out there.” This is especially rich coming from the same person who told you love will come when you stop looking. As if we weren’t already aware of this? Do you think I honestly believe I’m going to find the person of my dreams at home wearing sweatpants, binge watching Criminal Minds, elbow deep in a bag of Doritos? Of course not! I’m putting myself out there the best way I know how, which should eventually be good enough. Unless you are going to follow this phrase up with some concrete advice on how to do this, keep it to yourself.

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“I miss being single.” Please shut up; I don’t want to hurt you. If you miss it that bad, break up with your significant other. If not, then don’t say it. You’re most likely just going to piss us off, or at least roll our eyes. Seriously shut up, or I may punch you in the throat.

18081dde7f2392ad21545ba1d748ce56Next time your friend is bummed about living the solo life, maybe try to give them some helpful, non-cliché advice that they can actually benefit from. If you don’t have anything, maybe just hug them, tell them you’re sorry, and reassure them that you know it sucks. At least then you can level with them. We don’t need to be told what we are doing wrong, we don’t need to be told what we need to change, and we sure as hell don’t need to be told we just haven’t met “the one.” But most of all, don’t gloat about your happy relationship or the “journey” you took to find your match. Just let us be miserable and wallow in our self-pity rather than making us feel crappier than we already do.

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To the single people out there; you do not need to change who you are for anyone but yourself. Don’t lower your standards just because someone tells you to, because chances are that will just lead you to an unhappy relationship. Do what YOU feel is right for YOU and what makes YOU happy, and if you find someone along the way that makes your heart pound and your stomach flutter, that’s what I’d call a bonus.

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If you liked this post, check out my post on the benefits of being single found in the link below!

https://historyiswhoweare.com/2016/11/16/what-it-means-to-be-single/

The Memories

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Having an eidetic memory may seem like a blessing, especially to those who struggle to remember things. In some ways, I am very fortunate. I memorized the presidents in order one day, just because I felt like it. I memorized the Greek alphabet because I was bored. I remember my locker combination from fifth grade and my schedule from every semester of high school. I remember what rooms all my college my classes were in, and what time they were at. I can remember where I sat in all my classes from high school and college. I remember what I wore for every first day of class, as well as several other mundane days. But every silver lining is surrounded by a cloud. Having an eidetic memory isn’t always an asset; it can be a curse.

I can remember the day we first met and the morning after. I can remember the night he walked me across campus, because someone had grabbed me and scared me. I remember how he helped me through my first college anxiety attack, and how he was the first person I told when I scored a try for the first time. I can remember the first day he texted me that started it all, and exactly what it said. I can remember every conversation that made my heart flutter and my stomach flip word for word. I remember that the first big fight we had was on a Monday, and I had a job interview. I remember what I was wearing the first night I went to his house, and every night we spent together after that. I remember what we talked about and what we did on all ten nights I went to his house and what I wore the days he said the sweetest things I had ever heard. I remember him asking if I was okay after an injury, while I was riding in the car. I remember every time he made my cry, but also every time he made me feel safe. I remember all the times he told me I was pretty, but also the time he told me I didn’t need makeup to look good. I remember him telling me I was prettier when I smiled, and when he offered to pick me up when I was afraid. I remember everything that happened with us in that short period of time. I remember that at this time last year, I was texting him every single day, because the first day I went without talking to him was April 4th.

Getting over someone is so much harder when you remember every time he made you laugh, made you cry, made you smile, and made you feel like something might be there. When you remember texts word for word, from the first to the last. It can make you ache for them times that remain clear as day inside your head. Ache to be back in the arms that you can still feel around you. Ache to listen his heartbeat the way you used to. Ache to have someone to talk to again. Because when something happens, good or bad, he’s still the first person you want to tell, but then you remember you can’t and you feel like your heart is breaking all over again. You ache because no matter how much you wish you could forget all of it, you know you never will. But the worst part? It isn’t him you miss at all. It’s the feeling of being wanted that you miss. It’s the thought that someone was choosing you that you can’t move on from. It’s the person you were with him, because that was a happiness like no other. But most of all, it’s not you that I miss so desperately; it’s the you I spend so much time building in my head.  

 

Undeniable Benefits of a Third Wheel

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“An extra person joining a couple in a social context, especially one that interferes or gets in the way.” That’s the technical definition of a third wheel, but honestly who reads the dictionary? People are constantly adding a negative connotation to the phrase “third wheel,” but if there’s one thing I have learned, it’s that there are some indisputable benefits to not only being a third wheel, but also to having a third wheel. As someone who serves as an official third wheel for five couples, it is my belief that every couple needs a third wheel to be complete. Let’s start with the benefits of having a third wheel, as a couple.

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So why have a third wheel? Well, first of all, you will have an amazing friend who is willing to be there for you at all times. You have a third friend for any activities you might want to do, a third friend to make an abundance of happy memories with, another partner in crime, and a member for your future wedding party. The third wheel will offer unconditional moral support, award worthy relationship advice, unlimited fun, and a lifelong friend. We can help you do anything from picking out gifts to investigations of significant others all the way to helping you hide a body (just don’t tell us what happened, so we can testify). We will remain neutral in arguments, unless there is a clear wrong side. We help you plan and carry out perfect dates, have a blast at parties, and most importantly, show our love and support in any situation. Your third wheel is someone who will always be there for you; someone you can trust with your deepest secrets. They will always put you first and make sure your relationship is running smoothly. Now what many people don’t know is that being a third wheel isn’t all fun and games; it can be a lot a work and is a HUGE responsibility. This is especially true when your third wheel has more than one couple. So, try not to forget to show them how much they mean to you, because third wheels can forget this easily. Show your third wheel that you care about them and love having them be a part of your duo. Now as many benefits as there are to having a third wheel, there are far more to being one. 

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When you are a third wheel, you get to enjoy all the things that come with a relationship without actually being in one, which means no responsibilities. Plus, having two friends is much better than just one. Your couples will teach you the do’s and don’ts in a relationship, which will make you much better prepared should you ever get your own. You get to help plan all the surprises in a relationship, but won’t be held responsible if they don’t turn out. You get to figure out the type of person you want for a relationship, but you also get to see all the advantages of living a single life. You don’t have to worry about your wingmen stealing your crush, because they have their own significant other already. You have two people to always look out for you, and two that are on the hunt for you. You have easy access to points of view from both genders and you learn how to manage any awkward situation. You also get really really good at being a relationship counselor. You get the best of both the couple world and the single world without having to choose between the two. But the best benefit of all? You get to see what love looks like. You get to see the kind of relationship you want. You have a model couple to take after. Your faith in true love is restored. When two of your friends are in love, you can either see it as awkward and weird, or you can choose to see it as fun and exciting.

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Being a third wheel is not an easy job, which is why it takes a special type of person to be one. Remember to appreciate your third wheel, because I guarantee they appreciate you. If you are a third wheel, or even an eleventh wheel like me, remember that you are not just a third wheel; you are a beautiful unicycle and they are your training wheels. Stop making a third wheel such a negative thing, because it can be a wonderful, beautiful experience that you will lose when you stop being single. Enjoy being one and enjoying having one. You won’t find anyone else remotely close to them; you especially won’t find someone who loves you as much as your third wheel does, except each other, of course. To my couples; it is an honor to serve as your third wheel. You have taught me how fun being single can be, but also what a good relationship looks like. You have shown me what love really looks like; the good, the bad, and the ugly. So, don’t be in a hurry to jump onto a bicycle; enjoy being a tricycle.

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Dear Future Boyfriend

Dear Future Boyfriend,

I don’t know if you’ll ever actually exist, but in the off chance that you will, there’s some things you should probably know. First of all, I know that I am hard to love and I’m sorry for that. I know I won’t make it easy for you, but I hope you know that it isn’t easy for me either. Opening myself up and allowing someone to love me will be one of the hardest things I will ever do. I know you will get angry, frustrated, and fed up with me, but just know that I am loving you the best way I know how to.

I will pick a lot of fights. I can’t help it. Just know that that is me testing you and trying to push you away, just to see if you will stay. I hope you do. I only pick fights with the people I really care about, so know that those fights are not out of hate or anger, but out of love and fear of losing you. I would never intentionally hurt you, because that is just not who I am. It seems backwards, but what can I say? I’m crazy.

Speaking of that, I hope you will embrace all my weird quirks as I have. I do and say a lot of abnormal things, but I think the key is to take them for what they are and see the humor in them, as I do. It will make of our lives much easier. Yes, I am odd, but I can also be quite entertaining. I’m sure you have a lot of quirks as well, because otherwise how would this relationship work?

Because I want you to be successful in this relationship, I want to give you some advice. I want you to call me out on things. Don’t let me get away with being difficult, not saying what’s wrong, and not being open. I will get angry when you do it initially, but I promise you it’s what I want. Call me out on my bullshit; don’t just put up with it.

Be thoughtful. I’m not materialistic by any means, but I appreciate thought far more than any gift. Any guy can go buy a girl a heart shaped necklace, but I want you to put thought into things. I’m not like other girls, so I don’t want to be treated like one. I would appreciate a heart shaped pizza or a handwritten letter over any piece of jewelry or stuffed teddy bear. Flowers are an exception here, because I love flowers (hint hint).

More than anything, I want us to have fun together. I don’t want to spend all our time going out to eat and sitting on a couch (although those things are nice sometimes). I want to go look at the stars, play at a park, check out Christmas lights, and go on crazy adventures. I want to have stories to tell about us; good stories. I don’t want to be just another stereotypical couple; I want to be different.

I want to do nice things for you, just because I want to make sure you know that I appreciate you. I know it’s supposed to be boys doing romantic things for girls, but I want to do romantic things for you too. I will probably be crazy about you, and I really want you to understand that. I want you to have no doubts about how much I care about you, so I’m going to do my best to show you.

I tend to say what I mean. If I tell you I don’t care if you go out with your friends; do it. It’s not a trap. If I say I won’t be mad, I won’t be mad. I’m not a puzzle for you to figure out and I don’t expect you to read my mind. That’s not fair to you, so I will say what I mean as often as I can. I’m not your mother, so I don’t want to act like I am. I don’t need you to ask me permission to do the things you want to do. It’s your life, so I want you to live it.

I cannot do clingy. It’s not because I don’t want you around, it’s because I am so used to being independent that I will need alone time. I won’t text and call you every day, and I will get annoyed if I am expected to spend all my free time with you. I will feel suffocated and try to push you away. I don’t want to be the center of your world; I just want to be a part of it.

I hope I can bring you happiness. I know I won’t be the best girl in the world, but I will try my hardest to be the best that I canfor you. I have been waiting so long to find you, so I won’t take this relationship lightly, despite how I may act. Some days will be really hard, and it will probably be a lot of work, but I will try my hardest to make this a good and wholesome relationship. I don’t give up on people easily and I care very deeply about those I love, and you will be no exception. I hope that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved, and I hope you can love me more than I love myself.

Hope to see you some day,

Ruby

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