If you bring a guy to your home, he’ll lay down in your bed. Then he’ll say he needs to throw up. When he goes to throw up, he’ll get it all over your bathroom before laying back down. Then he’ll say he’s going to take a shower. He’ll get back up, turn your shower on, and stay in there until you start to worry. When you get up to check on him, you’ll find him sitting down, passed out on the floor of your shower. You’ll go back to your room and try to figure out what to do, and you’ll hear him finally step out of the tub. When he doesn’t come back into the room, you’ll check on him again. The shower will still be running, and he’ll be passed out, naked on your bathroom floor. So you’ll shut the water off, and cover him with a blanket, making sure not to peek at his private parts. You’ll start to panic about what to do, so you’ll call your friend to help you. She’ll tell you that there’s nothing anyone can do and to just let him sleep it off on your floor. While you’re still on the phone, he’ll stumble into the room and fall into your bed and pass out again. You’ll make sure the blanket is tucked between you and him, and you’ll even take off your shirt so maybe he won’t feel so embarrassed when he wakes up. Eventually, you’ll fall asleep and wake up the next morning, afraid of what you’ll find. He’ll get up to put some clothes back on, and you’ll be sure not look. He’ll use your toothbrush to brush his teeth and then he’ll lay back down beside you, and you won’t feel awkward at all. You’ll cuddle and kiss the morning away, until you have to get up and go to work. You’ll feel excited and happy and spend all day thinking about him; you won’t even mind when you finally get home and have to clean up all his puke.
You’ll spend the next week talking with him and getting flustered when he comes over. You’ll be amazed that it’s actually going so well. You’ll get into your first argument with him, but it will turn out okay. He’ll tell he wants you, and you’ll believe him, so you’ll end up staying the night in his bed. You’ll spend another morning in his arms, and he’ll talk vaguely about a future with you. You’ll start to think maybe this will be the one that finally works out and start to let your guard down.
You’ll go to work, and he’ll leave for the weekend, and when he comes back, he’ll come over to your house again. When he comes over, you’ll be cooking him the dinner you’ve spent all day stressing about. While you’re cooking dinner, he’ll watch a baseball game and barely acknowledge you. You’ll try to make forced conversation, but it won’t go anywhere, so you’ll try to just let it be. You’ll serve him the food, and sit mostly in silence while he keeps watching the game. After he eats, he’ll get up to leave. When he closes your door, a part of you will feel like it’s over, but you won’t know why. You’ll try to tell yourself you’re just being crazy, but you’ll end up on your couch with silent tears streaming down your face.
When you wake up the next morning, you’ll feel a little better, but then you’ll have a really hard day. You’ll ask if you can see him, and he’ll say you can’t, because he’s leaving town tonight. Then he’ll tell you, hours later, that he got hurt. You’ll be kind and caring, but you’ll worry about him and hope he’s okay. You’ll try to talk to him the next day, but he’ll be distant and vague, and then suddenly stop responding to you all together. So, you’ll wait until morning, and try again, and you’ll end up making plans with him. You’ll be eager to see him all day, and wait all night for him to say he’s coming over, but he’ll never show.
You’ll tell him the next day that if he doesn’t want to see you anymore, he can just tell you, but he’ll say that’s not true. You’ll try to ask what’s going on, and he’ll tell you he wants to take things slow. You’ll say that’s okay, and think things will get better again, but he’ll just go back to ignoring you. You’ll keep asking him if he wants out, and he’ll deny it every time, before going back to bailing on your plans and ignoring your messages. You’ll try to talk to him again, and you’ll think you’ve solved the problem with him, but then nothing will change. You’ll spend day after wondering what you did to cause him to change his mind. You’ll lay awake a t night and go over every conversation you ever had, trying to figure out what you did that was so wrong.
One day, he’ll message you to tell you he might be moving away. You’ll break down and cry and call your best friend, and she’ll tell you that everything is okay, because =, after all, there’s a chance he’ll stay. You’ll ask to see him that night, and he’ll say he’ll text you to come over. You’ll lay there for two hours, your phone clutched in your hands, waiting for him to message you. You’ll realize he ever will, so you’ll get hurt and angry, and when he tells you the next day he fell asleep, you’ll try your best to just ignore him.
You’ll drive two hours away, but all you’ll be thinking about is him. You’ll try to be strong, but you’ll break down and message him. He’ll actually respond and you’ll talk a little. You’ll ask to see him when you get home, and he’ll say you can’t because he’ll already be gone. When you get home the next day, he’ll still be in town. You’ll pretend it doesn’t bother you and try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but deep down, you’ll be hurt.
The next day, you’ll see he’s just leaving, but he’ll actually start to talk to you. You’ll forget about being upset that he lied and hope that maybe whatever issue was there has disappeared. You’ll talk for the next few days, and it’ll feel like it did before. He’ll suggest hanging out with you when he gets home, and of course you’ll agree. When he gets home, you’ll wait to hear from him and be excited to see him, but the hours will tick by and you won’t hear a word from him. When you finally cave and ask him about it, he’ll tell you it’s your fault and ignore you the rest of the night.
You’ll stop responding to his messages for a while and start to think maybe all of the other guys were right. You’ll start to think about how you really are worthless, and maybe your ex wasn’t lying when he said you could never do any better. You’ll convince yourself you deserve to be treated this way and that you shouldn’t even try, because you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. You’ll decide to give it one last try, and send him a message one last time. You’ll put your heart into that message and shake when you hit send. You’ll see that he’s opened it and anxiously wait to see what he’ll say. He won’t even respond, and it’ll make you feel like you’re falling apart.
You’ll finally work up the courage to delete him, and as a few weeks pass, you’ll feel yourself starting to let go. You’ll finally stop thinking about him every minute of every day, and wondering what he’s doing and if he’s thinking about you too. When you’re finally starting to feel a little better, he’ll message you again. He’ll tell you he’s sorry and a little bit about what’s going been on. He’ll tell you he might be moving in two days, and you won’t know how to respond. You’ll let his message sit all day and into the night, until the anger fades, the sadness passes, and you can think normally again. You’ll give a kind hearted response and then wait to hear if he’s moving away or not. He won’t just tell you on his own, so your anxiety will soar until it makes you physically sick to the point that you have to leave work, because you can’t even sit straight due to the knots in your stomach. You’ll cave once again and ask him, and he’ll tell you he’s not leaving. You’ll feel all the tension you’ve been carrying finally release and you’ll let yourself fall into thinking everything will still work out.
You’ll re-add him, and he’ll snap you almost every day. At first you won’t want to reply, but eventually you’ll give in. You’ll ask him if he wants to go for a walk, knowing full well he’ll probably say no.
He says he would, but he’s leaving soon, but once again, he won’t leave until later the next day. He’ll keep sending you messages, and you’ll keep responding, and even start to be the one who reaches out. Then he’ll stop messaging you first, so you’ll start sending him things you hope he’ll respond to. When he doesn’t, you’ll feel a deep sadness that you’ll do your best to ignore. When he does, you’ll get excited and try to figure out how to keep the conversation from ending.
One night, you’ll go out with a friend to keep yourself from staring at your phone. You’ll run into him and his friends, because of course he’s there. He won’t acknowledge you, but the second you sit down across the bar, he’ll send you a message that you won’t be able to keep from responding to. Then he’ll ignore you the rest of the night, and you’ll start to feel lost. When you get home, you’ll lay in bed and curse your perfect memory, as you play every moment over and over in your head. You’ll try to tell yourself to be patient, and that everything will be okay, but you’ll still lie awake, trying to figure out what you did to make things go this way.
You’ll keep messaging him because you can’t help yourself, but you’ll feel terrible because of it. You’ll find new ways to distract yourself from the hurt and will even open up to your coworkers about it. They’ll tell you that you deserve better, and you’ll explain why you don’t. They’ll tell you that you need to talk to him about this because it will only get worse. You’ll tell them you’re afraid to because you don’t want to lose him completely, but they’ll remind you that being alone is better than having only half of a man.
You’ll decide to give it one last shot, and ask him if he wants to hang out with you over the weekend. He’ll tell you he’ll be out of town, and you won’t be able to keep yourself from wondering if that’s actually the truth. You’ll think about all the times he told you the same thing, only to find out it was a lie. You’ll think about how this whole situation has been eating you up inside. You’ll think about all the guys that came before him, who treated you like you were nothing, and you’ll start to wonder if maybe you are. You’ll assure yourself it’s better to know, so you’ll send him a message that lays out all your thoughts and feelings. You’ll tell him you understand, but you have feelings too. You’ll tell him you’ll go slow and do anything else he needs you to, but you can’t do this weird in-between thing anymore. He’ll tell you he’s not ready to date, but you’ll know what that really means. You’ll remember he tried to date another girl not so long ago, and think that maybe there was more to that story than he told you. You’ll realize he just doesn’t want you, and you’ll feel yourself start to break. He’ll tell you what you’re thinking isn’t true, and that it’s him and not you, but you just won’t believe what he says anymore.
You’ll barely make it through the door of your house, before being consumed by tears. He’ll ask if you can remain friends, and you’ll tell him you can’t because it’s just too hard. Your sobs will tear through you, and you’ll feel like you can’t breathe. You’ll wonder why you even tried in the first place. You’ll hear a voice in your head telling you how worthless you really are, and you’ll start to think about how you’ll never find anyone else. You’ll think about all your friends and how happy they seem to be with their partners. You’ll think about how tired you are of being the single one and how you are just so sick of being alone. You’ll ask yourself why you dared to hope when you should have known better. You’ll think about how you’re nothing and feel like something is crushing your chest. You’ll lay there and cry, desperately wishing it had worked out this time.
Your best friend will insist on coming over, so you’ll try but fail to pull yourself together. She’ll listen while you talk and cry, and say the thoughts coursing through your brain, and you’ll suddenly realize that they sound insane. She’ll tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you, and some boys are just cowards. She’ll get you to crack a smile, and you’ll start to feel a little better. You’ll dry your tears and wipe the smeared makeup off your cheeks. You’ll get up and brush yourself off, because deep down you know you’ve already survived a hell of a lot worse. Your best friend will stay with you until you’re ready for bed, while another one will make you laugh with all the crazy things she says. They’ll both remind you that it takes a lot more than one, immature boy to break your heart. But even though you know you’ll be fine, you’ll go to bed alone and lay awake, asking yourself why you chose to bring a guy to your home…