If You Bring a Guy to Your Home

If you bring a guy to your home, he’ll lay down in your bed. Then he’ll say he needs to throw up. When he goes to throw up, he’ll get it all over your bathroom before laying back down. Then he’ll say he’s going to take a shower. He’ll get back up, turn your shower on, and stay in there until you start to worry. When you get up to check on him, you’ll find him sitting down, passed out on the floor of your shower. You’ll go back to your room and try to figure out what to do, and you’ll hear him finally step out of the tub. When he doesn’t come back into the room, you’ll check on him again. The shower will still be running, and he’ll be passed out, naked on your bathroom floor. So you’ll shut the water off, and cover him with a blanket, making sure not to peek at his private parts. You’ll start to panic about what to do, so you’ll call your friend to help you. She’ll tell you that there’s nothing anyone can do and to just let him sleep it off on your floor. While you’re still on the phone, he’ll stumble into the room and fall into your bed and pass out again. You’ll make sure the blanket is tucked between you and him, and you’ll even take off your shirt so maybe he won’t feel so embarrassed when he wakes up. Eventually, you’ll fall asleep and wake up the next morning, afraid of what you’ll find. He’ll get up to put some clothes back on, and you’ll be sure not look. He’ll use your toothbrush to brush his teeth and then he’ll lay back down beside you, and you won’t feel awkward at all. You’ll cuddle and kiss the morning away, until you have to get up and go to work. You’ll feel excited and happy and spend all day thinking about him; you won’t even mind when you finally get home and have to clean up all his puke.

You’ll spend the next week talking with him and getting flustered when he comes over. You’ll be amazed that it’s actually going so well. You’ll get into your first argument with him, but it will turn out okay. He’ll tell he wants you, and you’ll believe him, so you’ll end up staying the night in his bed. You’ll spend another morning in his arms, and he’ll talk vaguely about a future with you. You’ll start to think maybe this will be the one that finally works out and start to let your guard down.

You’ll go to work, and he’ll leave for the weekend, and when he comes back, he’ll come over to your house again. When he comes over, you’ll be cooking him the dinner you’ve spent all day stressing about. While you’re cooking dinner, he’ll watch a baseball game and barely acknowledge you. You’ll try to make forced conversation, but it won’t go anywhere, so you’ll try to just let it be. You’ll serve him the food, and sit mostly in silence while he keeps watching the game. After he eats, he’ll get up to leave. When he closes your door, a part of you will feel like it’s over, but you won’t know why. You’ll try to tell yourself you’re just being crazy, but you’ll end up on your couch with silent tears streaming down your face.

When you wake up the next morning, you’ll feel a little better, but then you’ll have a really hard day. You’ll ask if you can see him, and he’ll say you can’t, because he’s leaving town tonight. Then he’ll tell you, hours later, that he got hurt. You’ll be kind and caring, but you’ll worry about him and hope he’s okay. You’ll try to talk to him the next day, but he’ll be distant and vague, and then suddenly stop responding to you all together. So, you’ll wait until morning, and try again, and you’ll end up making plans with him. You’ll be eager to see him all day, and wait all night for him to say he’s coming over, but he’ll never show.

You’ll tell him the next day that if he doesn’t want to see you anymore, he can just tell you, but he’ll say that’s not true. You’ll try to ask what’s going on, and he’ll tell you he wants to take things slow. You’ll say that’s okay, and think things will get better again, but he’ll just go back to ignoring you. You’ll keep asking him if he wants out, and he’ll deny it every time, before going back to bailing on your plans and ignoring your messages. You’ll try to talk to him again, and you’ll think you’ve solved the problem with him, but then nothing will change. You’ll spend day after wondering what you did to cause him to change his mind. You’ll lay awake a t night and go over every conversation you ever had, trying to figure out what you did that was so wrong.

One day, he’ll message you to tell you he might be moving away. You’ll break down and cry and call your best friend, and she’ll tell you that everything is okay, because =, after all, there’s a chance he’ll stay. You’ll ask to see him that night, and he’ll say he’ll text you to come over. You’ll lay there for two hours, your phone clutched in your hands, waiting for him to message you. You’ll realize he ever will, so you’ll get hurt and angry, and when he tells you the next day he fell asleep, you’ll try your best to just ignore him.

You’ll drive two hours away, but all you’ll be thinking about is him. You’ll try to be strong, but you’ll break down and message him. He’ll actually respond and you’ll talk a little. You’ll ask to see him when you get home, and he’ll say you can’t because he’ll already be gone. When you get home the next day, he’ll still be in town. You’ll pretend it doesn’t bother you and try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but deep down, you’ll be hurt.

The next day, you’ll see he’s just leaving, but he’ll actually start to talk to you. You’ll forget about being upset that he lied and hope that maybe whatever issue was there has disappeared. You’ll talk for the next few days, and it’ll feel like it did before. He’ll suggest hanging out with you when he gets home, and of course you’ll agree. When he gets home, you’ll wait to hear from him and be excited to see him, but the hours will tick by and you won’t hear a word from him. When you finally cave and ask him about it, he’ll tell you it’s your fault and ignore you the rest of the night.

You’ll stop responding to his messages for a while and start to think maybe all of the other guys were right. You’ll start to think about how you really are worthless, and maybe your ex wasn’t lying when he said you could never do any better. You’ll convince yourself you deserve to be treated this way and that you shouldn’t even try, because you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. You’ll decide to give it one last try, and send him a message one last time. You’ll put your heart into that message and shake when you hit send. You’ll see that he’s opened it and anxiously wait to see what he’ll say. He won’t even respond, and it’ll make you feel like you’re falling apart.

You’ll finally work up the courage to delete him, and as a few weeks pass, you’ll feel yourself starting to let go. You’ll finally stop thinking about him every minute of every day, and wondering what he’s doing and if he’s thinking about you too. When you’re finally starting to feel a little better, he’ll message you again. He’ll tell you he’s sorry and a little bit about what’s going been on. He’ll tell you he might be moving in two days, and you won’t know how to respond. You’ll let his message sit all day and into the night, until the anger fades, the sadness passes, and you can think normally again. You’ll give a kind hearted response and then wait to hear if he’s moving away or not. He won’t just tell you on his own, so your anxiety will soar until it makes you physically sick to the point that you have to leave work, because you can’t even sit straight due to the knots in your stomach. You’ll cave once again and ask him, and he’ll tell you he’s not leaving. You’ll feel all the tension you’ve been carrying finally release and you’ll let yourself fall into thinking everything will still work out.

You’ll re-add him, and he’ll snap you almost every day. At first you won’t want to reply, but eventually you’ll give in. You’ll ask him if he wants to go for a walk, knowing full well he’ll probably say no.

He says he would, but he’s leaving soon, but once again, he won’t leave until later the next day. He’ll keep sending you messages, and you’ll keep responding, and even start to be the one who reaches out. Then he’ll stop messaging you first, so you’ll start sending him things you hope he’ll respond to. When he doesn’t, you’ll feel a deep sadness that you’ll do your best to ignore. When he does, you’ll get excited and try to figure out how to keep the conversation from ending.

One night, you’ll go out with a friend to keep yourself from staring at your phone. You’ll run into him and his friends, because of course he’s there. He won’t acknowledge you, but the second you sit down across the bar, he’ll send you a message that you won’t be able to keep from responding to. Then he’ll ignore you the rest of the night, and you’ll start to feel lost. When you get home, you’ll lay in bed and curse your perfect memory, as you play every moment over and over in your head. You’ll try to tell yourself to be patient, and that everything will be okay, but you’ll still lie awake, trying to figure out what you did to make things go this way.

You’ll keep messaging him because you can’t help yourself, but you’ll feel terrible  because of it. You’ll find new ways to distract yourself from the hurt and will even open up to your coworkers about it. They’ll tell you that you deserve better, and you’ll explain why you don’t. They’ll tell you that you need to talk to him about this because it will only get worse. You’ll tell them you’re afraid to because you don’t want to lose him completely, but they’ll remind you that being alone is better than having only half of a man.

You’ll decide to give it one last shot, and ask him if he wants to hang out with you over the weekend. He’ll tell you he’ll be out of town, and you won’t be able to keep yourself from wondering if that’s actually the truth. You’ll think about all the times he told you the same thing, only to find out it was a lie. You’ll think about how this whole situation has been eating you up inside. You’ll think about all the guys that came before him, who treated you like you were nothing, and you’ll start to wonder if maybe you are. You’ll assure yourself it’s better to know, so you’ll send him a message that lays out all your thoughts and feelings. You’ll tell him you understand, but you have feelings too. You’ll tell him you’ll go slow and do anything else he needs you to, but you can’t do this weird in-between thing anymore. He’ll tell you he’s not ready to date, but you’ll know what that really means. You’ll remember he tried to date another girl not so long ago, and think that maybe there was more to that story than he told you. You’ll realize he just doesn’t want you, and you’ll feel yourself start to break. He’ll tell you what you’re thinking isn’t true, and that it’s him and not you, but you just won’t believe what he says anymore.

You’ll barely make it through the door of your house, before being consumed by tears. He’ll ask if you can remain friends, and you’ll tell him you can’t because it’s just too hard. Your sobs will tear through you, and you’ll feel like you can’t breathe. You’ll wonder why you even tried in the first place. You’ll hear a voice in your head telling you how worthless you really are, and you’ll start to think about how you’ll never find anyone else. You’ll think about all your friends and how happy they seem to be with their partners. You’ll think about how tired you are of being the single one and how you are just so sick of being alone. You’ll ask yourself why you dared to hope when you should have known better. You’ll think about how you’re nothing and feel like something is crushing your chest. You’ll lay there and cry, desperately wishing it had worked out this time.

Your best friend will insist on coming over, so you’ll try but fail to pull yourself together. She’ll listen while you talk and cry, and say the thoughts coursing through your brain, and you’ll suddenly realize that they sound insane. She’ll tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you, and some boys are just cowards. She’ll get you to crack a smile, and you’ll start to feel a little better. You’ll dry your tears and wipe the smeared makeup off your cheeks. You’ll get up and brush yourself off, because deep down you know you’ve already survived a hell of a lot worse. Your best friend will stay with you until you’re ready for bed, while another one will make you laugh with all the crazy things she says. They’ll both remind you that it takes a lot more than one, immature boy to break your heart. But even though you know you’ll be fine, you’ll go to bed alone and lay awake, asking yourself why you chose to bring a guy to your home…


Being Safe While Living Alone

I’ve been living alone for almost a year now, and although I’ve mostly enjoyed it, I have also learned to take some precautions. While living alone can be very refreshing, it does come with some risks. I often think about how I could go missing or have some sort of accident at home, and it would probably take days for someone to notice. Over the past year, I have learned a few tricks that make me feel a little more relaxed and a lot more secure about living by myself. These things aren’t necessarily just for those who live alone, because I think pretty much anyone could benefit from them, but I do think they can help those who are living by themselves feel a little safer about their living situation.

Before I launch into that, I want to give a little background on the things that are going to make this list, for the lack of a better word, biased. Many of the tips I have looked up online involve having the locks changed, installing a chain lock, and investing in a security system. I rent an apartment, and all of those things are not an option. The locks are not changed every time someone new moves in, I am not allowed to install any sort of lock, especially one that only locks on the inside, and I am not allowed to install my own security system. Therefore, a good portion of the recommended tips are not possible for me and aren’t possible for a lot of people. If you are able to do these things, that’s great! But I will not be including them in my list for the above reasons. With that said, here is my list of tips for living alone.

If you have sliding doors or large sliding windows, put a board in the bottom track. Just about any department store sells some type of board, so all you need is one close to the length of the track. It doesn’t need to fit exactly; just make sure when the door or window meets the board, the gap isn’t wide enough for someone to fit through. You can also use old broom handles, thick dowels, or anything else that is hard enough to withstand someone pushing the door or window against it. Patio doors are actually quite easy to break into and everyone knows windows aren’t the most secure (especially cheap apartment ones), so the board is an added security measure that makes it a lot harder to break in.

If you rent, get to know your landlord and keep them in the loop. If I’m going out of town for a week or longer, I let my landlord know. This way, she has a heads up that my apartment is supposed to be empty and she keeps an extra eye on it. I also keep my landlord in the loop with major things going on in my life. For example, I let her know when my job changed and what my work hours would look like. This way, I have another person who can look out for me and could potentially notice if something seems off. I have also worked very hard to get on her good side and earn her trust, so if there is an issue with the apartment or with someone who lives in the complex, I know she will listen to me and take my concerns seriously.

Make friends with your mailman. If something does happen to you, your mailman may be one of the first to notice that something is wrong. If you suddenly go weeks without getting your mail or there has been a package sitting outside your door for a few days, chances are the mailman will notice. I’ve lived in the same apartment complex for the past four years, and I’ve gotten to know my mailman quite well in that time. When my roommate and I would be gone for summer break, the mailman would notice that we hadn’t been getting our mail and would double check with our landlord, just to make sure there wasn’t a bigger issue. This is also where keeping your landlord in the loop comes in handy. Go introduce yourself to your mailman and get to know them. Say hi to them whenever you see them and be friendly. A little kindness can go a long way, and it’s always a good idea to have an extra person looking out for you.

Tell your friends when you are meeting someone new or going out alone. When you don’t have a roommate to make sure you make it home safely from a date or a night of drinking, it’s a good idea to let your friends in on your whereabouts (I also allow some of my closer friends to see my location on their Snap-maps). If I let my friends know I’m planning to go out alone, they can keep an eye on me to make sure I’m safe or check in with me. If I ever went on a date (maybe someday), I’ll let them know who I’m going with, where we are going, and when I get home. Again, it’s always important to keep people in the loop, especially when you live alone. When I’m out with my friends, I let them know when I make it home, so that they know I made it there safely.

Lock your door when you’re not able to keep an eye on it. I know most people lock their doors when they go to sleep, but it’s also a good idea to lock your door whenever you’re not around it. I lock my door when I have music cranked up or when I’m not really paying attention, when I’m taking a shower or bath, or when I’m lying in bed. Anytime I can’t keep an eye on who might be coming into my apartment, especially when I’m not expecting anyone, I keep my door locked.

Keep your phone in the same room as you. I know most people almost always have their phones on them, but there are times when you go to take a shower and maybe leave your phone to charge in your bedroom, or something similar to that. If you live alone, keep your phone near you. If you have your phone in the bathroom and fall in the shower, you don’t have very far to go to call for help. If someone happens to break in while you’re inside your apartment (which does happen, believe me), you don’t have to go hunting for your phone if you have it with you. You don’t need to have it glued to your side, but it’s a good idea to at least keep your phone in the same room as you.

Give a spare key to a friend, preferably one that lives in the same town/ area. This is so much safer than a hide-a-key, because this way your spare is actually with someone, so there’s less of a chance of a stranger finding it and using it. If you give a spare to a trusted friend, if an emergency situation arises, you don’t have to either figure out how to get them a key or explain where the spare is. I’ve had to leave town for an emergency, and needed someone to feed my dog. It’s so much easier to coordinate this when someone I trust already has a spare key. I feel safer knowing someone has my spare key rather than having it sit under a flowerpot. I also keep a second spare in my house, just in case I need to give it to someone different for whatever reason.

Save your local police department’s non-emergency number in your phone. This is something I never thought I would need until I did. I’ve called this number for a variety of reasons, and it’s paid off every time. 911 is great, but it can take forever to get connected to your local law enforcement; this way, if I need to reach the local police department, I have the number for their specific office. In all the time I’ve lived in this complex, I’ve never needed to call 911 (thankfully), but, as I said, I have used the non-emergency number for a variety of reasons (usually intense fights in my parking lot). Look up the number for your local law enforcement and save it. If you never use it, no harm done, but if the time does come that you need it, you’ll be glad you didn’t need to spend the time looking it up.

Keep a hidden cash stash. Keep a stack of around $100-$200 of cash hidden somewhere only you know. If your apartment ever gets broken into, or if your wallet ever gets stolen or lost, you have access to some money. I once had fraudulent activity on my debit card and my credit card in the same week. Both accounts were frozen because of this, so I had no access to my money. Thankfully, I had some cash on me, but since then, I’ve made sure to keep a secret stash, just in case.

Get renter’s insurance. It’s usually not that expensive- I have mine added to my car insurance and it’s only $6 a month. You never know when you might need it. When my apartment was broken into a few years ago, I didn’t have it and it sucked! I have it now, and while I hope I never need it, I know I’ll be happy to have it if I ever need it again. Most landlords and rental companies only have insurance for damage to their property, so renter’s insurance helps protect yours.

If possible, get a pet. Not only do pets serve as great companions, but they can also add an extra layer of protection. My dog may be a giant baby, but a random person doesn’t know that. He’s big and has a deep, intimidating bark, and he will charge at strangers in the house if I’m not around. When someone attempted to break into my apartment a few months ago and again last week, I’m convinced that it was my dog’s loud bark that scared them away. I also am pretty positive that if I had had my dog when my apartment did get broken into, he would have heard them come in and would have alerted me that someone was inside and probably would have also scared them away. I know some places don’t allow pets, but if they do, it’s not a bad idea to get one. They are great for loneliness too! There’s no way I could live alone if I didn’t have my dog.

As much as we like to think bad things and accidents don’t happen to us, the fact is that they do. My two roommates and I were all home, sleeping when our apartment was broken into. In the year I’ve alone, I’ve had two break in attempts (that I know of). Bad things happen, and no one is immune to them. It’s always better to be safe now than sorry later, because there is no way to know when bad things or accidents might happen. Do what you need to do to protect yourself, and stay safe.