New Boobs, Who Dis?

It’s now been a whole six weeks since I underwent breast reduction surgery, and as of yesterday, I have been officially cleared of all restrictions. The past six weeks have flown by and I am still in awe of all the changes that have come with this experience. Officially, I have had approximately 8 pounds of tissue removed from my breasts, and I feel every single one of those pounds. The most obvious change is the change in size. It’s strange to look down and not see the enormous boobs I was so familiar with; to not have to constantly adjust them or move them out of my way. While majority of my clothes fit much better, some have become too big and I look as though I am being swallowed. I have gone down a size in shirts, and many of my older clothes that no longer fit over my boobs that I couldn’t bear to part with can now be worn again. I can walk around my house without a bra on and even do some housework while being perfectly content. My back and neck feel a million times better. I have had one migraine in the past six weeks, which is a new record for me. My shoulders don’t feel as tense and I can feel myself moving easier. I’m not kept up at night from the pain in my back and driving has become so much easier. I can feel my posture slowly becoming better, as I am no longer weighed down by my chest. It’s almost as if I can slowly feel the tightness in my muscles loosening. For me, the reduced tension in my back and neck has been the most astonishing.

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*Old Bra: Size J and New Bra: Size D (Koda’s tennis balls for scale)

As much as I am loving my new body, it certainly has not come without some setbacks. The first time I went shopping for bras, I became so overwhelmed by all the choices and options that I had to leave the store. I have been relearning how to shop for my body. It’s strange for me to even take the time to look at bras when I never even bothered before. I am so used to simply buying one solely because it came in my size online, that I don’t even know what I want. Having color options outside of beige, black, and white is like an out of this world experience that I am at last for where to start. The swimsuits are just as terrifying. Yesterday, I decided after my final doctor’s appointment, to buy myself a bra and a swimsuit. When I finally worked up the courage to try some of these things on, I ended up having a panic attack in the dressing room at Target; my first panic attack in years. While my first instinct was to run out of the store and hightail it back home, I forced myself to buy at least one thing. I ended buying a dark pink sports bra for $20. I have not had a sports bra since 2017, and this one had cost me $136. I had bought it year and a half before and wore it until the strap gave way to the strain of my boobs and snapped. Once I finally got home and calmed myself down with some Supernatural, I decided to take another stab at the swimming suits. I went to my local Walmart and tired on several more before landing on one I was comfortable in. It is plain black, as I didn’t want any flashy colors to draw attention to me, with a halter top that shows no cleavage what-so-ever. I am so used to covering up my chest as much as possible, that I’m still not comfortable with showing cleavage. Maybe next year I will have the courage to get something a tad showier, but for now, I’m sticking with what I know.

I have longed to work out for a very long time, but with my giant boobs, it was just too painful and difficult. Yesterday, I decided to keep challenging my anxiety and went and signed up for a membership at the local Y. (Of course, this was after a lengthy pep talk to myself and talking the situation over with my dog.) I then slapped on my new swimsuit, and headed into the pool… where I skittered to the hot tub to sit and hide beneath the bubbles. I sat there for about 15 minutes, working up the courage to head into the pool. When I finally slid into the cool water, claimed a swimming lane, and started going I couldn’t believe what I was feeling. I was amazed by how much easier it was to glide through the water and move my arms to swim down the length of the pool. I was shocked that I had never realized how hard it had been to swim with my boobs. I continued doing laps in the pool until I couldn’t catch my breath any longer (mind you, this wasn’t very long because it had been a LONG time since I had worked out). The feeling of accomplishment I had when I left the Y was unlike anything I had ever felt. Instead of feeling like I had to work against my body, it felt like my body was working with me, and I cannot wait to see what else it can do.

These past six weeks have been intense for me with all the changes that have come, but, I cannot stress this enough, I have absolutely no regrets. Every challenged I have faced since my surgery has been worth it. The benefits I have been experiencing have been jaw dropping for me, and I cannot wait to see what others I discover along the way. I can feel my confidence improving as well as my self-image. I feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yes, I have several large scars as a result, but I don’t care about those; I have never in my life felt more beautiful. I have achieved the first step in getting my dream body, and now there is nothing holding me back from getting the rest of it. I don’t feel like I’m living in a stranger’s body anymore, and instead finally feel like it’s my own. As we all are, I am still working every day on feeling completely comfortable in my own skin and accepting my body in its entirety, however I have finally made a huge leap in the right direction. I’ll keep working on me, and hopefully you will all keep working on you.

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