I’m sure many of you have seen, or at least heard of, Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck” popular bit, so I thought it might be fun to put my own spin on it. I got the inspiration for this post this morning when I was getting dressed. As I was pulling my sweatshirt down, it got caught up on my chest and hurt my wrist. While my wrist throbbed, all I could think was, “This wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t have giant boobs!” Thus! An idea was born! So, without further ado, you might have big boobs if…
If you can catalogue everything you’ve eaten in a day by the crumbs found in your cleavage, you might have big boobs.
If crop tops look like bandeaus on you, and regular shirts turn into crop tops, you might have big boobs.
If every T-shirt you find with a cute design or phrase gets all distorted and demented as soon as you put it on, you might have big boobs.
If you’ve ever ended up with food on your chest after leaning over the table, you might have big boobs.
If you have to dig holes in the sand for your chest when you lay on the beach, you might have big boobs.
If the thought of finding a bra that fits you for under $50 is laughable, you might have big boobs.
If you have to hold down your chest anytime you run, even when you have a bra on, to keep from knocking yourself out, you might have big boobs.
If you’ve ever inhaled a little too deeply, and blew out the zipper on your coat, you might have big boobs.
If you have to lift up your chest and set it on the bar when you lean against it, you might have big boobs.
If you have a definitive line of sweat under your boobs after a workout, you might have big boobs.
If seat belts are impossible for you to keep from wrapping around your neck, you might have big boobs.
If you’ve ever lost something in your cleavage, and had to go digging for it, you might have big boobs.
If people are constantly bumping into, brushing against, or running into your chest, you might have big boobs.
If you put on a button down shirt and discover gaping holes between each button, you might have big boobs.
If your boobs hit the floor every time you do a push-up, you might have big boobs.
If every time you change sleep positions in bed, you have to readjust your chest, you might have big boobs.
If painting your toenails turn into a painful stretching session, you might have big boobs.
If you’ve ever knocked things over, knocked things off a table, or caused mayhem on a store shelf, you might have big boobs.
If you spend a good portion of your day readjusting your wandering cleavage, you might have big boobs.
If strapless dresses are impossible to make work, you might have big boobs.
If you have to hold your chest in place while walking down the stairs, you might have big boobs.
If putting on a bra before your boobs are completely dry is comparable to wrangling a bull, you might have big boobs.
If you have to take your bra off slowly and carefully at the end of the day to avoid the sudden pain of your boobs dropping too fast, you might have big boobs.
If people with a size D or DD talking about their “giant boobs” makes you laugh bitterly, you might have big boobs.
If you are the butt of countless “big boob” jokes at the hands of your friends, you might have big boobs.
I think it’s fair to say having big boobs is no easy task, but somehow, we manage. To my busty sisters out there; keep on being your glorious selves!
If you liked this post, check out my other posts on the big boob struggle
https://historyiswhoweare.com/2016/05/15/the-busty-battle/
https://historyiswhoweare.com/2018/01/05/1318/
