We spend half of our lives searching for love, hearing about love, watching movies about love, longing for love, reading about love, watching other people fall in love: we are constantly surrounded by love. This can be great for people who are happy and in love, but what about those of us who aren’t? Our society seems fueled on love; as if our lives are incomplete unless we have found love. And those who have yet to experience it can’t help but feel inferior and incomplete. But as I sit on my couch- where I’ve been for the past three hours- trying desperately to get through a reading for my night class, binge watching Sex and the City, and eating more Cheetos than I care to admit while a dog sits next to me licking her own butt, I can’t help but wonder if we have gotten it all wrong.
What if this is just a plot to make us single people feel bad about ourselves; a ploy to force us to spend years of our lives feeling like we aren’t worthy or good enough? When we see people constantly going from one person to the next, which makes us wonder why we can’t seem to find even one. We feel young, unworthy, and lonely, but are these emotions sincere, or does society make us feel this way? Are the people who go from one relationship to jumping straight into another necessarily mature and happy? Could it be just the opposite? Why is it that we automatically think people who are constantly in a relationship- the same or different ones- are better than those of us who remain single?
It may be because the first thing people ask when we haven’t seen them in a while is “Are you seeing anyone?” And every time we feel humiliated when we have to say “No.” Then we are met with looks of sympathy and pity or told not to worry, because there’s someone out there for us. Or it could be that couples are everywhere we go- on the bus, at the movies, at our favorite restaurants- they are all over the place! We are constantly being bombarded by couples who seem to be slapping us in the face with our lack of relationship. We can’t help but be reminded of how we don’t have someone to bring to our favorite eatery or how much we wish we had someone to bring with us to the movies that makes it worth raising the “cuddle arm.” Both of these could very well be the answer, but my theory is that there is only one thing to blame- society.
Society teaches us that someone must love us romantically in order to be considered worthwhile. It doesn’t matter how much our family members love us or how many loving friends we have- if we don’t have that romantic partner, we simply are inferior and incomplete. Every movie we see has the guy get the girl in the end. How many movies have you seen in which the main character ends up single at the end? Anytime there is a possible romantic conquest, the hero always wins in the end. But why is it only considered winning if they end up together? We are trained to view single people as lesser beings. Those in relationships view single people as a threat to their happy relationship, because it seems that single people have no self-control or respect for those already in relationships. But what happens if we simply look beyond the label?
Your relationship status doesn’t define you worth or your maturity level. You can be mature as a single person and you can be extremely immature in a relationship. As a single person, you are worth just as much as a person in a relationship. A relationship is not the key to happiness, because you will never be happy in a relationship unless you learn to happy by yourself. We need to stop basing our self-worth on our relationship status, and stop judging people based on whether or not they are single. Being single doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you- in fact, it takes and incredible amount of strength and courage to be single this day and age- it just means you are choosing to work on yourself instead. Single or not, you are worthy of love and respect. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be single or being happy in a relationship. To those who are struggling with being single: hold on to your single self, because it’s gone, you cannot get it back- not completely. Embrace it, enjoy it, and savor it. To all my dear readers: never stop striving to be the best person you can be. You keep working on you, and I’ll keep working on me.
If you are still feeling discouraged about being single, check out my post on the main benefits of being single in the link below.