You’ve Won

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According to this, you’ve won. I blocked and you won. It seems so simple and straight forward; you clearly won. So why is it so difficult for me to understand? There’s no doubt that I feel like I’ve lost something, but what makes you the winner? Usually winning comes with a prize, so, what have you won, exactly? Are you elated by the thoughts of how much you got to me? Does the fact that you nearly caused me to end it all give you feelings of excitement and power? Did you enjoy tearing me apart, piece by piece? Are you satisfied with the fact that you started a chain reaction that makes me feel more alone than ever before? Have you enjoyed watching me struggle to pick up the shards of myself? Do you relish in the thought that I am unable to leave my house without constantly looking over my shoulder for you? Does the fact that simply walking to my car fills me with panic make you happy? Are you pleased with yourself now that I am terrified of seeing you? Are you proud of yourself for giving me nightmares nearly every night? Do you feel that you’ve accomplished something by making me feel unsafe in my own home? Do you feel like winner? What did you win? Because I still can’t figure it out. My sense of security? My peace of mind? My sanity? Help me to understand why you’re a winner, because I can’t seem to figure it out. But maybe that’s because I’m the one who’s lost.

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