As someone who has been a single for an unbelievably long time, there are some things I get so unbelievably tired of hearing, especially when they are coming from people in relationships. As I’m sure you all mean the best, all you are offering is pointless, rehearsed phrases that are somehow supposed to make us feel better about our current situation. The truth is no matter how single you were before, being in a relationship discredits pretty much anything you say to us when we are upset about being alone. While there are times you can be helpful and supportive, here are some things to just STOP saying to single people.
“There is someone out there for you.” That’s rich coming from someone who already has a person. While I understand this is a go to phrase when a friend is feeling bummed about living the solo life, it’s such a cliché that we will probably just roll our eyes and forget you even said it. Plus, how could you possibly know that? There may very well be no one out there for us. As a single girl, I get so tired of hearing this automatic response, it may as well be said in your best robot voice.
“How are you still single?” If I knew that, maybe I wouldn’t still be single. This question is the worst, especially since it implies there is something wrong with me because I’m single. The best response to this? The only thing I can think of is that I’m just too awesome for anyone to handle. Just because I haven’t found someone yet, does NOT automatically mean there is something wrong with me, so don’t insinuate it.
“You’re too picky.” If you think this is a helpful thing to say to your single friend, then you had better be prepared to defend you position and explain which of their standards they should lower. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, we have the right to be picky. I would much rather have my standards sky high than take anyone who smiles at me. In fact, my standards are right where I want them to be.
“—— is single; you should totally get together!” Just because someone is single, DOES NOT mean I automatically want to date them. Do we need to revisit the high standards? If you actually want to set your single friend up with someone, maybe tell them a little bit more about the person other than the fact that they are single. But even before you do that, ask yourself why you really want them together to make sure your intentions have your friend’s best interest in mind. If it’s only because you want them to be in a relationship, drop it and let it go.
“Guys don’t like girls who are…” Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP!!! The same goes vice a versa. You are telling me that I need to change who I am to be wanted, which is probably one of the rudest things you could even say to a friend. If you think your friend needs to change to gain a relationship, then maybe you need to reevaluate your friendship because you’re doing a shitty job at it.
“It will come when you least expect it.” You know what else comes when you least expect it? A bus, a meteor, a tornado… If you can’t find the perfect wedding dress or your favorite pair of shoes, do you stop looking and just hope it’ll turn up? NO! You look your ass off until you find it, so why should love be any different? I was raised to chase my dreams, not sit on my ass and wait for them to find me. So maybe just let me continue my scavenger hunt instead of telling me to give up.
“You need to put yourself out there.” This is especially rich coming from the same person who told you love will come when you stop looking. As if we weren’t already aware of this? Do you think I honestly believe I’m going to find the person of my dreams at home wearing sweatpants, binge watching Criminal Minds, elbow deep in a bag of Doritos? Of course not! I’m putting myself out there the best way I know how, which should eventually be good enough. Unless you are going to follow this phrase up with some concrete advice on how to do this, keep it to yourself.
“I miss being single.” Please shut up; I don’t want to hurt you. If you miss it that bad, break up with your significant other. If not, then don’t say it. You’re most likely just going to piss us off, or at least roll our eyes. Seriously shut up, or I may punch you in the throat.
Next time your friend is bummed about living the solo life, maybe try to give them some helpful, non-cliché advice that they can actually benefit from. If you don’t have anything, maybe just hug them, tell them you’re sorry, and reassure them that you know it sucks. At least then you can level with them. We don’t need to be told what we are doing wrong, we don’t need to be told what we need to change, and we sure as hell don’t need to be told we just haven’t met “the one.” But most of all, don’t gloat about your happy relationship or the “journey” you took to find your match. Just let us be miserable and wallow in our self-pity rather than making us feel crappier than we already do.
To the single people out there; you do not need to change who you are for anyone but yourself. Don’t lower your standards just because someone tells you to, because chances are that will just lead you to an unhappy relationship. Do what YOU feel is right for YOU and what makes YOU happy, and if you find someone along the way that makes your heart pound and your stomach flutter, that’s what I’d call a bonus.
If you liked this post, check out my post on the benefits of being single found in the link below!