Why Girls Don’t Go Out Alone

As a girl, I hear guys make fun of my fellow women and me all the time for going everywhere in packs. Why can’t we go anywhere alone? The bathroom is right there, why do we need someone to go with us? When we give them an honest answer, that we feel unsafe, we are met with a variety of responses. Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they get offended, and very few seem to understand. Of course, they don’t understand, and how could they? When a man has to pee, he doesn’t think twice about walking to the bathroom, so why can’t a girl just go?

Tonight, I was reminded of why not. I wanted to go out, but my girlfriends weren’t feeling it up to it, so I went. I met up with a few people, went to a bar to meet up with more friends. I hadn’t had anything to drink, but one of my good friends bought me a drink and another friend shared his with me. These are two men that I know well and trust. I had one shot of UV and two sips of a mixed drink, so I was very far off from drunk. But I couldn’t expect these boys to stick around, and before I knew it, I was alone, surrounded by people I didn’t know in a very crowded bar trying to fight off an anxiety attack. So why don’t we go out alone?

We don’t go out alone, because we stick to our guy friends like glue, because we know other men respect other men more than they respect women. We don’t go out alone, because we do not feel safe when we can’t find our friends. We don’t go out alone, because guys think it is okay to rub up against you without an invitation. We don’t go out alone, because we feel vulnerable when we are surrounded by guys we don’t know. We don’t go out alone, because our guy friends forget that we don’t like to be by ourselves. We don’t go out alone, because when our guy friends do forget, they leave us alone. We don’t go out alone, because when our friends leave us by ourselves, we panic and become hyper aware of everyone around us. We don’t go out alone, because when we try to leave, guys grab our arms and tell us to smile, as if they are doing us a favor. We don’t go out alone because guys think that is acceptable to grab us by our ribs and press their faces between our chests. We don’t go out alone, because when this happens, no one says or does anything. We don’t go out alone, because when this happens, we somehow feel like it’s our fault.

The next time you think it’s funny that women travel in packs, maybe you should think about why we don’t feel safe alone. Think about what your fellow men do to make us feel unsafe.  Maybe not all men, but enough men to make us feel like we can’t go out unless we have a group to go with. Maybe not all men, but enough men to make others feel that this kind of behavior is acceptable. Maybe not all men, but enough men to make all women feel like these things are our fault. Maybe not all men, but too many men. But I guess the important question is- what was I wearing?

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