Let me start by saying that these phrases work beyond romantic relationships. They can also work for friendships, acquaintances, friends with benefits, and anything in between. So if you have someone you wish would just exit your life, this is the way to go. If one doesn’t work, try two… or all five! If you try all of these, and the person still doesn’t take the hint, maybe you need to be straight and just say, “I want you out of my life,” because they are clearly having trouble getting the memo. However, if you are a little more compassionate and can’t bring yourself to say these things to a person, you have two choices: take the coward’s way out and text them to the person or be a good person and let them off easy. This, of course, depends on how much pain you want to cause someone and how big your heart is, because no matter what that person is to you, this is sure to hit them in the heart. Hard. Use these phrases with discretion; I am not responsible for any consequences of you using these phrases. Good luck.
- “I have no interest in you other than sex”
So this one may not apply to straight friendships, but it’ll definitely do the job for any other kind. From friends with benefits to an actual relationship, this phrase is likely to stop a person in their tracks or at least force them to take some time to reevaluate the current situation. Now this one may not be too bad, depending on who you are, however it can definitely knock a person back a few steps.
- “I’ve been depressed too, but I grew up.”
When in doubt, if the person happens to have a mental illness, attack it! This doesn’t just work for depression; you can use it for anxiety, anorexia, a broken leg, or whatever else. Even if you haven’t had the illness yourself, you can still tell them the key to getting through it is growing up. From here, one of two things will happen: they will take your advice and magically be cured, (if that’s the case, you should seriously consider going into the psychology field) or the person will be so angered by your ignorance, they will stop talking to you. If it doesn’t get rid of them completely, it will definitely get them starting to think about walking away from whatever the relationship is.
- “I keep myself up by not talking to people like you.”
The key word in this fun phrase is “like.” You could easily nicen up the phrase by just saying “not talking to you,” but hey, go big or go home! Adding those extra few words, especially “like,” makes it that much more effective. It will for surely make the person feel like a burden and an inconvenience to you. If you time it just right, it may even make them feel like a burden to everyone! If you are trying to push them out of your life, why not add the bonus of hurting their self-esteem? This is just the phrase for that. If this doesn’t get rid of them, it’s time to take drastic measures. Please refer to phrases 2 and 1.
- “I have to get ready for this chick that’s coming over.” “You can come over after she leaves if you want some D.”
Again, not one for just a plain old friendship, but for anything else, this should work. I understand that these are two phrases, and while you can use just one, they work so much better when used together. Ladies, you may have to change a few words for this one, but it is possible to use. Make sure this person knows they are easily replaced and that they truly are meaningless to you. This phrase will do just that. Beware: the person on the receiving end of this may become sad, angry, or both so BE PREPARED. Stick to your guns, when the argument stops, they probably will too. After all, no one likes knowing they are a second choice or can be replaced as easy as a broken phone. If this doesn’t work, you have one persistent nuisance on your hands! Proceed to phrase 1.
- “You are a waste of time”
Caution: Use this one ONLY if you are absolutely sure you want to end the relationship. This is hard one to recover from, so use it wisely. If you are sure you want this person out of your life for good, this is the one to use. It is guaranteed to go straight to the heart, and will probably haunt them for a while. This is a good thing, because it should keep them off your back. If a conversation for some reason persists, use it again. And again. I have come to the conclusion that at least five seems to be effective, and the safest number to get the desired results.
If these five phrases don’t get rid of your problem, then I don’t know what to tell you. This person probably either has a weird obsession or really bad self-esteem… or both. Maybe then it’s time to just shout, “Dude, get out of my life!” Or there is the tiniest possibility that this person sees something really good in you, and maybe you should reevaluate your decision to dump them out of your life. You never know, they could end up being really awesome.
Ok, now for some serious talk: I hope you all understood that this post was all satirical and sarcastic. I don’t think I could ever say these things to a person. So how do I know these phrases hurt people? Well they’ve been said to me. All of them. By the same person. I guess I was that annoying person… Oh well! Yes, these phrases made me feel awful. Granted they were all texted to me, but it still hurt. Bad. I must have read them over twenty times each, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but they were also constantly playing in my head. They made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. They made me feel like I did something wrong.
People, your words have power! Why do we want to make people hurt? No one deserves to have things like this said to them. NO ONE! So think about what you say to people, no matter what they mean to you and no matter what you are feeling. You can’t take your words back, and you can’t fully heal the wounds they leave on a person. It took me awhile to realize that I was worth more that how this person was treating me, in fact it took all five phrases. Looking back, one really should have opened my eyes, but I choose to see the good parts of people. I have realized that this doesn’t mean I have to put up with being talked to like this, because I am worth more. You are all worth more! While I know there is good in this person, I also have learned that this friendship is no longer for me. I have chalked it up as a learning experience, and have moved on with my life. I feel as though a large weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel much more at peace now that I’m not constantly stressing about it. That’s how you know the relationship, whatever it may be, is toxic. Be kind to others, and remember that YOU matter and YOU ARE WORTH IT! Don’t ever let anyone make you feel differently. You are a person and you deserve respect, no matter who you are. Keep being your perfectly awesome selves!