How to Survive Finals Week

With finals creeping around the corner, college kids everywhere are entering a panic mode. Papers are due, projects need to be completed, and dammit, we have tests to take! As this school year comes to a close, stress is taking its toll on us all. Here are some ways to survive the dreaded finals week:

  1. Wine: This is the most important thing to survive this week of Hell. I have just bought two bottles of my favorite sweet red that are currently chilling in my fridge, desperately waiting my arrival. I am hoping they last until at least Friday. It is a known fact that there are few problems wine cannot solve. If you happen to run into one of those problems, try whiskey.
  1. Caffeine: Pick your poison- coffee, pop, and whatever else you can get your hands on. Caffeine is everyone’s best friend, especially during times of stress. As much as I love alcohol, I have to draw the line somewhere: coffee lies in wait on the other side of that line. I need coffee to function, especially for that 8 am final that I haven’t studied for.
  1. Pillows: You never know when you are going to wake up and find yourself on the library floor, so it’s best to carry pillows with you. Don’t worry about embarrassment: it’s college. When we see someone sleeping in a random place, we just kind of understand. And if you are carrying a pillow, you will seem like the smartest person in the university. Who knows? Maybe you’ll start a trend.
  1. Ice Cream: Let’s be honest, you don’t have time to make food this week. Ice cream is convenient. All you need to eat it is a spoon, plus its mouthwatering taste can help you forget about all the things stressing you out… Well for at least a few seconds. But be careful! You don’t want to gain that Freshman 15 during the last week of your junior year.
  1. $20 Bills: These can be helpful when attached to your final paper, exam, or whatever else you may have due. Most professors say they won’t accept bribes, but have you ever tried?
  1. A Crown: Nothing is more empowering than writing a paper whilst wearing a tiara. Trust me, I know from experience. I am contemplating wearing to my math final; my confidence needs all the help it can get.
  1. Deodorant/Body Spray: You probably haven’t been showering as much as usual, because who has time for such luxuries? Just don’t kill your classmates with your repulsive smell: put on deodorant and/or spray some body spray on yourself. This is especially important if you haven’t been changing your clothes… #guilty #I’vebeenwearingthesamepantsforthreedays
  1. A Wall: This is to bang your head against. A table will also work, or any other hard surface you can find. Knock some sense into that thick skull. Repeat until your stress is reduced or you are knocked unconscious. If you are unconscious, please stop before you hurt yourself.
  1. Tennis Balls: These are useful for throwing at people. Whether it is your friend interrupting you or that one person in class that asks the stupid questions, this tactic will help other people from throwing off your groove. Use golf balls for those who don’t learn from the tennis balls.
  1. A Solid Back Up Plan: In case these finals go really bad, I’m talking no hope for the future bad, have a solid back up plan. Mine is moving to Vegas to be a stripper if this whole college thing craps out. If you think I haven’t done my research on how to become a stripper, you’d be wrong! Everyone needs a Plan B or even a Plan C. Just make sure it is one you are fully prepared to take.

Finals aren’t fun for anyone, that is no secret. However, as you suffer through it, just know that everyone else is suffering with you. If all else fails, turn on your favorite sad song or movie, and give yourself an excuse to cry. Maybe the professor will accept the paper you wrote with your tears. Keep your heads up, everyone. We can get through this last week together. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see it yet. Good luck with your endeavors. Don’t give up yet, for the end is near.


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