With Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, I can’t help but be slapped in the face with my single status. For someone like me, who spends most of her time third wheeling, the loner status is especially prevalent because all your friends are couples. I have two choices: walk around with a sign that says, “Hi I’m Ruby, and I have 2 days to find a Valentine,” or find ways to survive yet another Valentine’s Day alone. Because I still have a sliver of pride, I think I’ll choose option B. So here’s my satirical list of how to stay sane on Valentine’s Day:
- Buy heart shaped balloons- pop them.
- If for some reason you have to leave the house, dress like you have a Valentine’s Day date.
- Ice Cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.Or just food in general.
- Watch a movie- avoid Romantic movies at all costs and shoot for the horror or the comedy (not a rom com) genre. You’ll either be too busy laughing or too busy jumping at every sound that you’ll forget to be lonely.
- If you have any, call your single friends- there’s no reason you guys can’t have fun on this dreaded holiday.
- Go to a romantic restaurant and be obnoxious- if you can’t enjoy Valentine’s Day, than no one should!
- Plant fake engagement rings. Watch the shock and confusion on the unsuspecting couples’ faces.
- Buy yourself flowers- after all, you deserve them.
- Get a puppy- it’s the best Valentine you could ask for!
- Get drunk.
Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself on Valentine’s Day- be your own Valentine, and who knows? Maybe you’ll have even more fun that way.