Getting Off the Floor

As humans, we tend to get knocked down in life a lot. When we are sitting on the floor, it can be easy to indulge in those the moments of weakness, by that I mean letting our pain and suffering consume us. Giving in to feeling bad. However it is my belief that it is okay to do this sometimes. It’s ok to sit on the floor, absorb the sadness, and open those floodgates to release the kraken. This can make you feel better, and will probably help take a load of your chest. However the key is to not let it consume you forever. Stay on the floor as long as you need to, but don’t set up a residency there. Because in all honesty, there is nothing that will make you feel as strong and powerful as when you pick yourself off that floor and continue with your life. You get a surge of “I can do anything” accompanied with a “Nothing can break me.” That is what the following scene tries to convey. It is still a work in progress, but all creators know that powerful emotions are hard to illustrate, even if you have felt them yourself Here’s a little exert from what is hopefully my future novel, Fly:

Jenny stared at herself in the mirror. Her breakup with Chase had hit a lot harder than she anticipated. She gazed into her own hollow, dead eyes.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked her reflection. “Why can’t you ever hold on to anyone? Why can’t you ever just be happy?” Jenny looked down at the counter. The pills were out of the container and in her hand before she realized what she was doing. She stared down at the seemingly harmless handful of little white pills she held in her palm. It would be so easy to just take the whole lot of them, and be done with the world. It wouldn’t be hard- just one quick swallow and it would all be over.

                What about your family? a voice in her head whispered. What do I care? Jenny asked it back. I’ll be gone anyway…

                She began to cry, ferocious tears streaming down her face. Her knees gave out, and she fell to the floor, still clutching the pills in her hand. She wrapped her arms around herself, as if to keep herself from completely shattering right there on the bathroom floor. Never in her life, had Jenny felt as broken as she did there- in that instant. She didn’t want to die, but she didn’t want to feel this way anymore either. She ran through every broken relationship she had experienced in her life, and found all her faults in each of them. She thought about all the horrible things that have happened in her life- that keep happening. She thought of all the things she did wrong and how this was all her fault. It was her fault she felt this way- she had let this happen.

                Jenny sat on the floor and sobbed for what seem like hours, all the while clenching the pills in her hand, so disappointed in herself that she had come to this. Disappointed that she had let the sadness take over her mind like this. Disappointed that she had let herself become to broken inside. 

                Jenny heard a noise outside the door and froze. A soft knock erupted from the other side of the door. Jenny’s eyes immediately went to the lock, which, thankfully, she had turned.

                “Jenny?” a soft voice asked. It was Jilly. Small, innocent Jilly. She was so unexposed to the pain of the world, still nestled in her cocoon of safety and ignorance. Jenny wanted Jilly to stay that way for as long as she could. She couldn’t stand to think of her little sister’s life completely shattering because of her and her weaknesses. Jenny stood up, wiped the tears from her face, and opened her hand into the trash, letting every last pill fall into the bin. Then she opened the door to her sister’s blissfully ignorant face, and forced herself to smile down at her. The war inside her may not have been over, but she allowed herself to revel in the fact that she had won this battle.

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